GothGeek's Musings

DDRed for the first time in forever tonight. I've been so sore from work that I haven't felt like playing. Bleh. My muscles are getting used to being used all night, though, so tonight I was up to the challenge.

ENDLESS MODE COMBO: 325!!!

Muahahaha...

Yeah, I'm still on light mode. I need to finish the rest of the yellow songs with at least an A before I move on... My stamina is way up, though. I remember having a hard time getting up a single flight of stairs. It's been a long time since I noticed it, but the last time we were at the mall, the escalator was broken, and running up didn't wind me at all. I still can't run the .75 mile around our block, but it'll come.

The definition in my forearms is getting really noticeable, and my shoulders are starting to get some as well. My legs have looked great for awhile now, what with biking to work every day in Madill. I'm gonna have to do something with my abs and back to get that complete balance back, though. Pilates, maybe.

I need a punching bag or a sparring partner or something. I really enjoy punching my brothers in the upper arm when we're play-fighting, but they all whine now because I hit a lot harder than I used to. Wussies! Can't even take a girl hitting them in the arm. LOL!

What else to do tonight? It's almost 2:00, and +Kyle is going to be going to bed soon. I'm probably going to play some DII unless anyone is around and wants to chat. ^_^

( Other perhaps largely more important progress was made today, but also a major step backward. )

+Kyle and I talked about my job today. He's ashamed of it, and by extension, perhaps, me. He absolutely hates the fact that I work at "fucking Wal-Mart". He hates the fact that it's manual labour. His reasoning is that I'm better than that...more intelligent, more talented, and more skilled. I could be doing something "more worthwhile", and making more money doing it. He hates the shift hours, although he said he'd rather me work any other job with the same hours. He hates the company itself. He would shop at other stores if we were better off financially.

I explained, or tried to, exactly what it is that I am enjoying so much about this job. It's so easy. Physically, sure, it's hard work, but it's mindless. I don't have to think.

Anyone with a fourth grade reading level could do this job. Heck, anyone who can match labels can do this job. You don't have to be particularly skilled to work at The Dreaded Mart of Wal, although I don't think you could pass the CBLs if you can't read.

But back to the point... I like not having to think about work. I like not having to consider things like elements of design, or which font to use, or having to draw and re-draw something to get it just right, or editing graphics, or working photos for a bloody paycheck. My creative batteries have been spent for far too long, and they need a recharge. I've had moments of inspiration, and neither the time nor the energy nor even the will to do anything with my ideas. This has gone on for years. My list of creative projects is too long, and now I have a chance to pare it down and actually DO some of it.

First on the list is to complete this costume before Halloween. All that entails is building and covering the wing frame, and getting some fangs and coloured contacts. I think it'd be great fun to dress up and go out again this year...dunno what'll be playing, but I bet some of the clubs in town will have costume parties. It's not exactly a medieval theme, but I'd love to wear it to the RenFaire this October. There are plenty of fantasy-themed costume-wearers there. Not only that, but there are conventions coming up, and with any luck we'll be able to go to some of them. There's always a costume contest.

So yeah...it's not much to complete for one project, but I haven't had the inspiration to finish it until now. Now all I need is the resources. Guess what you need to have for those kinds of resources? A JOB!

Yeah, there are no doubt better places to work. There's always something better out there, somewhere, no matter the subject. But the pay is decent, the benefits are great starting out, and only get better as you go, and the company is founded on solid (Christian!) principles. No, Sam Walton didn't beat his employees over the head with a 10 lb. King James, but the basic principle of the company is to respect others, and lead by being a servant. It's no wonder the chain has been so very prosperous...you don't get much more Christlike than by having that kind of attitude. Yeah, they've run a lot of small businesses out of town. They've bought a lot more businesses out. Sure, there's a lot of inter-company propoganda, look how great a company we are, and aren't you glad you work for us, but the proof is in the pudding, as they say.

For now, I'm not only grateful to have a job at all...I'm incredibly thankful for everything about it. I love the work. I love the hours. I love the people with whom I work. I explained all of this to +Kyle, and I think he got what I was saying, for the most part, but he doesn't really care. It's one more thing that's not good enough for him.

But for now, I'm going to play a little more DII and get to bed around 8:00. We're supposed to go over to mom and dad's this afternoon to play Mechwarrior clix with the boys, have dinner and go to church...dunno in what order, though.

Finally dragged my lazy self into the bedroom and worked out again tonight. Introduced a couple of different routines to mix things up a bit, and did a bit more stretching than usual. Oy. I have now used muscles that I'd forgotten even existed. >_< Gonna be sorrrrre tomorrow.

But, it's all good. I gotta get back into the swing of things if I'm going to be showing any skin at all this summer. (Not that that's such a good idea, as pale as I am...people go blind!) Then there's Halloween to contend with. PVC is not very forgiving.

Finally got off my butt and did some training tonight. Just upper body and abs, but ohhhh, I feel so much better. :) My muscles were tired from not being used enough. Will do lower body tomorrow night.

Yesterday evening was nice. I was really weak and tired after work, so +Kyle made me lie down instead of doing dishes and starting dinner, etc. I slept 'til about 6:30, and awoke to chili being ready. Yummm... ^_^ Thank you, hon!

Sherry had lent me a film, "Raising Arizona", so we watched that while we ate. That was quite a funny movie. I've never seen Nicholas Cage in a role like that, but he was perfect. His hair was great! +Kyle had already seen it, but enjoyed it again.

Today was okay. Nothing much happened, but +Kyle's lab time was cut short because whoever's in charge decided they didn't feel like being there all evening. Bah. He really needed the extra hours.

Have been reading Ian's Sci-Fi Serial again. It's quite good; you should check it out if you enjoy science fiction. My brother has some fascinating ideas.

Aaaaah!

Why didn't I try these sooner? I guess after the jicama fiasco, I was afraid to try anything else as a substitute for potatoes. -_- But yes, I have found something wonderful! Even +Kyle was surprised, although he says it's very bland. Sure, without anything in it, but then, so are potatoes. :P

It's a little sweeter tasting than potatoes, at least from what I remember - haven't had potatoes in probably 6 months or more. I do remember them being very sweet to the taste, not being used to the starch anymore. Rutabagas have about 1/3 the carbs per serving as potatoes do, though.

Still, I can go lower. When I was at the store, I thought rutabagas were lower in carbs than turnips, but I had them mixed up. I'll get a turnip next time and try it instead. It has about a tenth the (net) carbs of a potato, and for twice the serving size. :PPP

Last time I had a potato, I felt hungry for*ever* afterward. Those empty carbs did me in big time, even with the butter and cheese. This doesn't seem to have the same effect, but I'm still not eating a *lot* of the stuff. I'm glad to see that they have potassium. Since I don't have bananas anymore, that's a good thing to be getting.

Yummmmmm...Steak and Mashed Wannabepotatoes... Heaven...I'm in heaven... *sings with a mouthful*

Oops, I need to train tonight, catch up with the dinner dishes, and put away the laundry before bed. Maybe we can catch an ep or two of Berzerk or Kare Kano, too.

Well, this week just sucked muffins. I either lost a lb. or gained a lb. I got a cheap scale, so it's hard to tell. Ah well, it's my own fault for not keeping up with things every day, when I KNEW I should. I should be happy I didn't gain the 5 I lost last time.

I'm trying ever so hard to be good today, but I sure don't feel like it.

Oh wait! We went out and rode bikes today! (Up hills and did some hiking and played in the creek some.) I wonder how many activity points I would get for that. When we move, and I'm gainfully employed again, I'd really like to join WW for real, even if it's just online.

Earlier this morning, we went out to dad's shop again and got all our yard sale stuff together. Made $10 more, but we packed it in after several hours, and took it to Goodwill before coming out again and biking. It was great to get rid of so much stuff - someone will get good use out of it - but it's been at the shop, and not here, so our house is STILL full of boxes. x_X There's got to be more we can get rid of before we move. There's just got to be! Anyone want a 10 gallon aquarium? (Maybe 20, I'm really not sure.)

After Goodwill, +Kyle wanted to go to Dub's Burgers - it's a mom & pop type place, and those're usually REALLY good to eat at. My dad and +Kyle have both sworn by them for years, and I've dutifully sworn off them for years - it's just been a running gag kindof thing forever. But, I figured "We're probably not ever going to eat here again, since we'll be visiting only on holidays and that sort of thing, so what the hey? I may as well try it once." I'm telling you, I should've stuck to my guns. My stomach is bothering me, the thing was so much greasier than the way we fix hamburger meat. (Grill on the Foreman, or fry in a pan, and drain every ounce of fat possible, squeezing it all out and whatnot.) Yuck. They have good tea, though, and good ice. LOL

Ah well...I need to find something to nosh. We'll have sandwiches later. I'll be good.

3:30pm Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m sitting at the Huntsville Public Library right now, listening to a tape of a band called “Rodan”. They’re just screaming & playing the drums really loudly. The first song on this tape was a quiet instrumental--if there are any more, I will keep the tape. If not, ah well--another one to tape onto! :)

Tomorrow I will be officially starting my new workout schedule. I have done each different program on & off for 2 weeks, to test them out & see what I need to start out with. I think the lighter Day 1&2 Program will work out better. The CHISEL program is so intense--I was sore for 2 days!! And I have not tried the AbSolution program yet. It looks simple enough, but I may be surprised!!!

I am really looking forward to getting back into training. I have missed the feeling of accomplishment, and the way my body looked when I was doing it back in ‘95-96. I started mid-summer ‘95, and by Halloween of that year, I already looked better than I have since I was a skinny 3 year old!!! I hope to be able to do that again, and even surpass what I started 3 years ago. Scratch that. I PLAN to be able to surpass what I started 3 years ago. I realise that it may take longer, since I do not have time or ready access to heavy weight equipment. But, mom & dad are cleaning their garage, and moving the screenprinting stuff into another building--so perhaps I can do a little heavier workout on Sundays, once I get used to a lighter regimen. I am not telling Ryan that I’m starting a workout program again. I have hinted at it a couple times--my shin muscles, for example, bulge a bit more than I remembered them doing. My shoulders and forearm muscles have already reacted positively to the little training I have done for 2 weeks. My right arm is still very weak. When I make a muscle, it is not very hard, and it is very small. It is harder to lift with my right arm. I think it will always be kindof weak, but it will get stronger as time goes on.

My regimen will go on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and 2 of the 3 days of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, depending on the schedule. Likely it will be Fri. & Sat, but if I get to use mom’s equipment, it will be Fri. or Sat & Sun. I will write about the workout itself, my feelings of the day, and my temptations, goals, and accomplishments as they happen. I may not write every day, but I am going to try.

I will also write about Spiritual things, as I study my Bible and learn more. Today ,for instance, I found the tape of Ryan’s father’s funeral. I cried as I listened to it, today, and I though about death and what was in store. I read some in the Bible about what comes after we die, and was somewhat comforted. I still try not to think about losing my parents, or Ryan, or friends, but I know it will happen someday. I pray it is not for many many years though. I can’t bear the thought of having to go on without my dear husband, or my daddy, or even mom. I still don’t always get along with mom. I think she is doing better ,but she still says things that I don’t like, and I tend to resent her for them. She wants me to go to church more, I know--on the one hand, I don’t see the big problem with only going on Sunday morning--or only on Sundays at all! After all, we are in school, and can’t make it for most Wednesdays out of the year. She wonders, though, when we don’t make it the Wednesdays that we are out of school for Spring Break. Part of it is the drive. Part of it is the fact that neither of us gets much out of church. I used to like singing, and I like listening to Kasey preach, but crying babies annoy me, and the fact that I probably don’t know half of the people who are attending Sandlin Road right now bothers me, and I have just about always found church to be BORING..... I think God intended us to enjoy worshipping Him--not to find it a chore.

I talk with God a lot. I don’t always sing songs about God, or read books about God, or play games about God, or think about God 24/7, but I think I am doing better, now that I make some effort to study His word. (I still don’t study every day, like I know I should, but I *am* doing better. I want to do something to bring people to Him. Sometimes, I don’t feel saved. Sometimes, I worry that I will go to hell even though I am a Christian. I don’t always live like one, and that worries me. I’m not perfect! I still sin! I try and be a good influence everywhere I am, and I try to “be good”, but I know that isn’t enough. I would like to put a Bible study on-line, or get in an email/chat session with people like Ryan does. But I don’t have time. I am just too busy! What a poor excuse that is, I know. I should make time. But what time do I have to make? I work 6-4 Tu., Th. & Fri. I come here, then go to school Mon. & Wed, and Sat is really Ryan’s & my only day to be together. Usually it is spent catching up on missed sleep, and making love enough to more than make up for the weekdays we missed. Sometimes we go to a movie, or the mall, or do our shopping, or just clean house all afternoon, but we do it all TOGETHER. Should I give up my husband and my only “free” day to work? I know Sunday is our day of rest, but frankly, going to church, spending the afternoon with my parents, and putting up with the boys is enough to make us just wanna veg for the evening!!! Then it’s a reasonable bedtime to prepare for the upcoming week. tough stuff! So here I am... lost in thoughts and wondering what to do with my life, and my time. The house is a wreck. There are many projects I WANT to do. I have school to think about. I have started this new workout--obviously that is important enough to me to make time for. How does that make God feel? Sad I’m sure.

Therefore, I make a new plan. Before I do my workout, I will do my devo. I will pray that God will allow my body to become shaped by the workout I am about to perform. I will pray that God will allow my mind and heart to become shaped by His words, and I will become a more beautiful Christian, as well as a more beautiful body. I will pray that one day Ryan will notice my body changing, and be pleased. I will pray for stronger muscles and stronger willpower against the wiles of Satan, and the temptations of the world. I am confident that within 1 month, I will notice changes in my physique, and in my spirituality. I pray they will be changes that others notice, as well. 4:09pm