Just got home from going out with Vera. She's always a delight.
She took me to see
The Haunted Mansion which was cute. Not one I'd go see on my own, most likely, but for a girls' night out, it was good.
We then went exploring Durant. There's a lovely coffee house/buffet called
Art's Eatery, and they have performers on Thursday and Friday nights - usually a jazz band, but a girl named Megan was soloing on guitar tonight. It's the kind of place I've dreamed of finding, and I envision spending hours there huddled in the corner with a sketchpad. They'll be closed for most of the hols, but we've determined to go back after they reopen on January 5th. The owner is quite a nice fellow. The place is relatively new, and just taking off, but with Durant being a college town, I think it'll fly. Am going to see if Lydia would like to go sometime, or maybe Aszra.
We drove around Durant for awhile...she went to school at some point, so it's her old stomping grounds. There are a lot of places that 'used to be _______'. How sad that some things change. She's still a bit bitter over the city taking her best friend.
We talked about a lot of stuff. She'd asked how +Kyle & I were doing, and I'd let on a bit about what had gone on, but told her the whole sordid affair tonight...The fights between me and +Kyle...the dance, and my mysterious attachment to someone I don't even know...everything. She's a good listener, but also a sage. Naturally, she's glad things are better between us, overall. She'd known I was unhappy before, but I don't think either of us really realized that it was anything more than stress from work, and from having a dry sponge.
This brings me to a conversation we had back in...September, I guess it was. +Kyle was out of town, so I'd gone to spend the evening with VJ. We rented The Banger Sisters and talked about everything as we do. At some point, she said, "Do you know what I see you as? You're someone whose sponge is about to break."
"What do you mean?"
"Well...your sponge is your relationship with your family. It makes you happy, and a stronger person. If you have a sponge that's wet, it's resilient...hard to break. But when it's dry, it's very brittle, and could break at any moment. I think yours is about to break. You need to see your family and get your sponge wet."
I hoped it wouldn't break before Christmas.
I think VJ's better for me than I am for her. I don't seem to have much of use or construction to say, but then, she's been around the block at least once more than I. Still...we seem to complement each other well, and she said on several occasions at various things, "that's why I like hanging out with you..."
At some point, Wal-Mart became a necessity. She had to obtain things for her daughter's class' Christmas party, so we milled about and looked at clothes, jewelry, makeup...all stuff she doesn't get to do much with a little one. I found the tiny silver hoops for which I've searched, and was going to get them, but VJ said, "Merry Christmas," and wouldn't let me argue, so... *shrug* Thank you, Vera!
We also entertained an employee in Housewares, Amber. We'd been talking rather generically about arguing with men, and the differences between how we handle things versus the way they handle things. Her advice: let them go on for 10 minutes about whatever they want, then say, "Okay, so do you want to tell me what's really bothering you?" Sage. She also said something about letting them go into their cave, but I think that was a reference to a book or something...
Anyway, Amber...she asked if there was anything she could help us with, and VJ said, "Thanks, but no, we're just talking about men." Amber piped up, and said, "I'll bet that, no matter what you've been talking about, I can do you one better. This guy proposed to me, then a week later told me I was terrible in bed, and the next day, went out and got a girl pregnant." Well, she was right. I have little reason to worry about petty arguments, and VJ said something to that effect as well.
So we went over to get her party stuff, and naturally noticed several cute guys. She's worse than I am. :PPP I'll swear on my own future grave that this was an accident, but one just okay-looking employee walked past, and I was pulling my hair back (been wearing it down a lot lately, and am still getting used to it being in the way all the time), and I guess it fell just right or something as I *happened* to glance at this guy. She turns around and looks at me, and goes, "You FLIRT!"
"Hey!"
"Not that that's a bad thing, but..."
"See, VJ, that's the thing...that's just who I am, you know? Pretty much anyone who knows me figures this out fairly quickly. Even so, I wasn't even trying that time, just getting hair out of the way."
We were highly amused. But then, when she was "in her prime" as she'd say, she could walk into a room, and everything would stop for her...just for a moment, but there was that breath of silence. I believe it. I find it hard to believe it doesn't happen to her anymore, but she says that's passed now.
So after the dreaded Mart of Wal, we stopped for coffee at a generic Waffle House, which wasn't bad. I guess we sat and talked for another hour or so... We talked a lot about memories and how there are always special ones that you never forget...you keep them for yourself, and when there's a rainy day, you can take one out, relive it for just a little while, or maybe for the whole day...and it's yours, and no one can take it away from you.
We talk about everything, really. She's really my wiser sister when it comes down to things. I find it so hard to believe there's 10-years difference between us. I've always gotten on well with people of all ages, but we're so alike in a lot of ways. We're often in similar places in our lives. I'm not sure that's such a good thing, really...are lives truly so cycular, or do we just never really learn from our mistakes? Nonetheless, she's someone I needed to know, and I'm so thankful for her.
On the way home, she brought up one of her own theories...men are pets, or at least, we should treat them as such. I couldn't imagine this being like her mother's philosophy that men are toys: to be used and/or put away as needed or desired, but I listened.
"Men especially are like cats. In my experience, you only really get to pet them when they want to be petted, and generally they don't need you or show you affection as often, or in the way you'd like."
I couldn't see where this was going, but it seemed uncharacteristic. Edith is of the opinion that we really don't need men at all, but that they need us. I suppose there's some truth to that, but not perhaps to the extent she takes it. Vera takes quite a different approach, usually, so I wondered how she'd tie this together.
"Pets," quoth she, "are something that we bring into our house. We feed them, we clean up after them, and we love them. They don't give us anything, really, back in return. They don't cook. They don't clean. They don't really *do* anything, and we don't really expect anything of them. But we love them anyway. Now why do we treat animals like this, and we won't even treat our fellow human beings the same way? We should treat each other - everyone - like pets. When I'm having a hard time with Brian, I try to remember that."
Somehow, the subject of extended families came up. She doesn't get along with her in-laws, which is a shame. It's not so much that they hate her as they don't understand her... It's sad to hear that, because I look at how Peggy is with me. She tells me every time how much she loves me, and how I'm like her own daughter to her. She tells +Kyle how wonderful she thinks I am. I always know, because he looks at me and says into the phone to her, "Yeah, she is, isn't she?"
Somehow else, the conversation of extended families led into the need for spiritual guidance, particularly in the home. I guess it was because we agreed that those who do not command respect naturally often resort to saying, "Well, I'm the man of the household, thus _________", and do not deserve the respect they desire. Conversely, those who command respect do not need to say that, because it's a given. Anyway, spiritual guidance... Somehow our evenings always end with some conversation about God. We really should get together and just study.
"You know," she said, "that love you've been seeking? There's somewhere you can go for that that will be there even when +Kyle fails you. Awhile back, I was talking with a friend, and they asked, 'So how are you and Brian doing?', 'Not too good,' I said. 'Well, you don't seem terribly worried about it.' 'No, because even though Brian may not be in love with me anymore, I found a love that makes me not care about that.'"
I thought about how often I've searched for that love and never really found it to the degree I've wanted. Maybe I never really tried hard enough. Maybe I was expecting the wrong kind of love. I told her I was at a place where I wanted it, but at the same time, I didn't really know if I cared enough to try to get it.
"Oh, I've been there, too. I've found it, and lost it, and found it again, and lost it again...we go through these cycles, but we can always find it again if we want it. Some of us just don't want it badly enough." She went on to talk about David and Abigail, but now I'm not sure where she was going with that. By then, we were almost back to her house, anyway.
I'm so thankful for my lovely, wonderful friend. She always cheers me, and always has good things to really edify and uplift me. She says I do the same for her, but I don't see how. All I can do is hope to spend much more time with her than I've been able to up to this point...with only 5 months left, I realize how much I'm going to miss her when we do move.
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