Something I forgot to mention Friday
Mar. 7th, 2004 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lsdiamondMark came to me at work, really concerned, about 4:00. I'd been pretty badly off all day, and I know he caught me crying at my desk twice.
I know I'm depressed when all I want to do is sleep, and when my brain finally shuts down. I have a really hard time talking, or even standing up. I fight for words that should be right there, and my brain 'hangs', so I sound like a broken tape recorder.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...... Hooooooowwwww are you doing?' The last part will be really fast. It usually happens when it's something I have to access. Like a lady from the Chickasaw Nation was trying to send us an ad via PDF. Her original file was something in the neighborhood of 91MB, and her end PDF was 24MB. Way too big to email. So Mark finally got out of her that she was using Photoshop to save as a Photoshop PDF, so he asked me about it. THAT I could explain...it just took awhile. :P
Anyway, after he dealt with her, he came to me and just asked, "Are you okay?"
I shook my head that I wasn't, but that I was dealing with it as best I could.
"You didn't take anything, did you?" He used to do all sorts of drugs in his younger years, so I guess he thought he recognized something. He was clearly worried that I was OD'd on seomthing.
"No...I'm just... I'm back on antidepressants. This is what happens to me. My brain just shuts down. But it's okay."
He said he was sorry to hear that and said if I needed to go on home, I could have that option. I was both grateful and pissed off at once. Yes, he showed concern, but only an hour until closing time anyway. :P Isn't that rotten of me to think about?
I said I could finish out the day, and I did.
I've basically freaked everyone at work out, now. Niki keeps asking if I need anything. "A bullet to the head." She can say it with me now. :P I've decided I like her, even though she's sometimes a bit on the annoying side.
Edith's really worried about me, I can tell. I need to try to hide this better at work. There's a time and a place, and I know I have friends here, but the last two months here should be moderately positive. Then again, if I wig out, maybe they won't keep telling me they'll miss me. :P
Haha, I'm so funny.
I know I'm depressed when all I want to do is sleep, and when my brain finally shuts down. I have a really hard time talking, or even standing up. I fight for words that should be right there, and my brain 'hangs', so I sound like a broken tape recorder.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...... Hooooooowwwww are you doing?' The last part will be really fast. It usually happens when it's something I have to access. Like a lady from the Chickasaw Nation was trying to send us an ad via PDF. Her original file was something in the neighborhood of 91MB, and her end PDF was 24MB. Way too big to email. So Mark finally got out of her that she was using Photoshop to save as a Photoshop PDF, so he asked me about it. THAT I could explain...it just took awhile. :P
Anyway, after he dealt with her, he came to me and just asked, "Are you okay?"
I shook my head that I wasn't, but that I was dealing with it as best I could.
"You didn't take anything, did you?" He used to do all sorts of drugs in his younger years, so I guess he thought he recognized something. He was clearly worried that I was OD'd on seomthing.
"No...I'm just... I'm back on antidepressants. This is what happens to me. My brain just shuts down. But it's okay."
He said he was sorry to hear that and said if I needed to go on home, I could have that option. I was both grateful and pissed off at once. Yes, he showed concern, but only an hour until closing time anyway. :P Isn't that rotten of me to think about?
I said I could finish out the day, and I did.
I've basically freaked everyone at work out, now. Niki keeps asking if I need anything. "A bullet to the head." She can say it with me now. :P I've decided I like her, even though she's sometimes a bit on the annoying side.
Edith's really worried about me, I can tell. I need to try to hide this better at work. There's a time and a place, and I know I have friends here, but the last two months here should be moderately positive. Then again, if I wig out, maybe they won't keep telling me they'll miss me. :P
Haha, I'm so funny.
