I cut today
Feb. 27th, 2004 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lsdiamondI know, I said I wouldn't, but it hurts so much. I had to do something just to get through the day, and I can't sleep at work.
The blade was brand new. Clean.
It's a diamond-shaped cut. I kept it wet for a long time so it would bleed longer. It stings a little. It's a lot deeper than I ever cut before, but I don't think it'll scar. Even if it does, it's okay. I think it's pretty.
It's high. Will hide under a t-shirt sleeve. I should put something on it, but I don't really want to yet.
What I really want is to keep it open. Cut over it as it heals. Keep the lines fresh. They're so beautiful.
I'm not sorry I did it. I was just so sick today. If I can't sleep, I have to do something, and I have drugs nor herbs. I never filled that Paxil scrip, and I bet I don't have it anymore. I think I burned it. Not that it matters. It's like $100 for only a couple of weeks' worth...and that's generic. I don't have that kind of money.
But blades are cheap, and blood flows with no effort.
I hope I don't need this too much. +Kyle probably won't notice me coming home with a new wound now and then, since I'm such a klutz, but I can't make him suspicious, and it's getting too warm to wear long sleeves all the time.
I want to tell him, but he's going to be so upset with me when he finds out. He made me promise I'd never do it again, and we all know how he reacts to broken promises. Good Lord, it was just LAUNDRY! I'm sorry I forgot!
I have to stop thinking about this, or I'm going to do something else really stupid.
The blade was brand new. Clean.
It's a diamond-shaped cut. I kept it wet for a long time so it would bleed longer. It stings a little. It's a lot deeper than I ever cut before, but I don't think it'll scar. Even if it does, it's okay. I think it's pretty.
It's high. Will hide under a t-shirt sleeve. I should put something on it, but I don't really want to yet.
What I really want is to keep it open. Cut over it as it heals. Keep the lines fresh. They're so beautiful.
I'm not sorry I did it. I was just so sick today. If I can't sleep, I have to do something, and I have drugs nor herbs. I never filled that Paxil scrip, and I bet I don't have it anymore. I think I burned it. Not that it matters. It's like $100 for only a couple of weeks' worth...and that's generic. I don't have that kind of money.
But blades are cheap, and blood flows with no effort.
I hope I don't need this too much. +Kyle probably won't notice me coming home with a new wound now and then, since I'm such a klutz, but I can't make him suspicious, and it's getting too warm to wear long sleeves all the time.
I want to tell him, but he's going to be so upset with me when he finds out. He made me promise I'd never do it again, and we all know how he reacts to broken promises. Good Lord, it was just LAUNDRY! I'm sorry I forgot!
I have to stop thinking about this, or I'm going to do something else really stupid.
