So tired I couldn't even sleep...so many secrets I couldn't keep...

[lsdiamond]

I know it's not the answer, but I almost don't care. I'm so sick this morning.

Maybe if I just get something in my stomach to settle it...

I need to talk to +Kyle about everything now that I've sorted it out, but...ugh...I'm scared to. It's okay, D... He's not going to come back fighting right away. He's going to be upset, but he knows better than to take it out on you. You hope. But he asked last night if we were okay, and you said you were. But *we* *are* okay. No grudges, no hard feelings. *I* am not okay. I hurt. I need to be understood.

Maybe I should just give up...keep him happy again. I learned to live with losing before. I stood up for awhile, things got okay, but everything's just pressing down again on me. I can be a zero again. I even have a hat to prove it now.

I need a blade. Can't I just stay home from work today and sleep?

Comments

[lsdiamond.livejournal.com]

Thanks, luv...being there is pretty much all you can do right now, but you are, and reminding me of that helps a lot. :)

I hear you've got a CD recorded. That's excellent! Also, grats on the kidney donation thing - that's got to be a little scary, but I'm in awe of anyone who can do something like that so selflessly. I know if it came down to it, I could (and probably would) donate something to a loved one who could use it, but the idea still terrifies me. :P Meh, I'm a coward, what can I say?

I can't wait to come home. Seeing you at Christmas was great, and while I know we probably won't pick up where we left off, I see that we can still be good friends.

Even though I don't show it well, I love you, Des. *hug* Thanks for being a better friend to me than I have been to you.