The Great Lori Hath Spoken
Feb. 18th, 2004 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lsdiamondShe's afraid. Not for me, but for +Kyle.
She says the best thing he can possibly do is keep me in a small town. She "just knows I'll go wild" if I get near a city. She trusts me - knows my convictions and beliefs - and has lauded me for being as tolerant as I have been for the past two years. "You're a stronger woman than I am...I'd have left a long time ago, honey. Most women would have," quoth she. But she fears that he will either be unwilling or unable to either understand or accept the changes in me. Changes that have happened, and will continue to happen, probably until I'm 30...changes that occur simply because I'm a woman, and women change.
She calls me "so emotionally starved it's not even funny". I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but it's the same as Vera's sponge theory. She's worried that +Kyle will refuse to accept that he must also change and adapt with me, and that I will go out and eventually some other man will give me the emotional attention and support I want and need. (This after saying she knows I'll do the right thing, but I digress...)
She suggests I give +Kyle an ultimatum before this happens. She says I need to list everything I need from him, and give him, say, one year to meet all those needs. Tell him that, at the end of that year, we will reevaluate, and if we deem it's time to part, so be it. This way, he has a choice: to change, to adapt, to accept, or to not. If someone comes along who can and will give me what I need, +Kyle will have no choice in the matter. I think I agree with her in principle (i.e., choice) , but not perhaps in execution. It seems too extreme, because *I* change on a daily basis sometimes... How can I give a set amount of time for such a volatile thing as an evolving relationship?.
I hurt. I just want everything fixed. I don't want to turn this into a contest. Likewise, I don't want to find someone else. I don't want things to *get* that far...to the point where I would have to choose who to hurt. I know which one it would have to be if I were in that scenario.
I hurt inside so. Let me hurt outside instead.
She says the best thing he can possibly do is keep me in a small town. She "just knows I'll go wild" if I get near a city. She trusts me - knows my convictions and beliefs - and has lauded me for being as tolerant as I have been for the past two years. "You're a stronger woman than I am...I'd have left a long time ago, honey. Most women would have," quoth she. But she fears that he will either be unwilling or unable to either understand or accept the changes in me. Changes that have happened, and will continue to happen, probably until I'm 30...changes that occur simply because I'm a woman, and women change.
She calls me "so emotionally starved it's not even funny". I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but it's the same as Vera's sponge theory. She's worried that +Kyle will refuse to accept that he must also change and adapt with me, and that I will go out and eventually some other man will give me the emotional attention and support I want and need. (This after saying she knows I'll do the right thing, but I digress...)
She suggests I give +Kyle an ultimatum before this happens. She says I need to list everything I need from him, and give him, say, one year to meet all those needs. Tell him that, at the end of that year, we will reevaluate, and if we deem it's time to part, so be it. This way, he has a choice: to change, to adapt, to accept, or to not. If someone comes along who can and will give me what I need, +Kyle will have no choice in the matter. I think I agree with her in principle (i.e., choice) , but not perhaps in execution. It seems too extreme, because *I* change on a daily basis sometimes... How can I give a set amount of time for such a volatile thing as an evolving relationship?.
I hurt. I just want everything fixed. I don't want to turn this into a contest. Likewise, I don't want to find someone else. I don't want things to *get* that far...to the point where I would have to choose who to hurt. I know which one it would have to be if I were in that scenario.
I hurt inside so. Let me hurt outside instead.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-18 10:56 pm (UTC)At least you still have the willpower to change.. I just gave up and gave in and accept shit for what it is. Things are perfect for him, he's happy, so why should I complain or bother with anything else. I feel like i've just lost a game I never had a chance of winning.
I hurt inside so. Let me hurt outside instead.
From a cutter to a cutter: Oh do I feel your pain.. or lask there of.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-19 10:17 am (UTC)The whole willpower thing...that's the sort of thing Lori keeps telling me. I don't really see it that way, or rather, I see it as something I do because it's important to me...not like something I *have* to do. Does that make sense? I don't know, really. Maybe that *is* willpower.
I'm sorry to hear about you and your situation...We both know how it is, but what do we do about it? All I can offer is a hug and an ear, so if *you* ever hurt, you know where to find me, okay?
Love ya, Sy...and thank you again