GothGeek's Musings

Great.

So Sallie Mae *just* sent +Kyle a letter saying that they hadn't received his promissory note, and so he's not going to have funds available to him tomorrow as we had been expecting. He filled out ALL that paperwork two months ago during orientation.

The school fouled up big time. All their paperwork says he's properly filed. Sallie Mae says the school never sent the note.

So, not only can we not get our computers repaired this week, he also doesn't have the money he needs for several tools and parts he MUST HAVE for certain classes. (It's an automatic fail if he doesn't have this stuff - and two years before the classes come up again due to rotation.)

+Kyle's supposed to overnight the new prom note to S.M., but it's another 72 hours before they'll have everything situated. Not that it matters any - the school refuses to cut checks again until Oct. 9th.

We have to have to have $350 this week for his tools and such. The computers are going to be around $500 to repair, although we could live with just getting his taken care of for $300.

Here's what REALLY gets me, though. +Kyle is *this close* to just giving up because of this. We have options - my PayPal card has enough of a credit limit to take care of everything TODAY. (He's worried that S.M. still won't come through on the 9th and we won't be able to pay it off before it starts accruing interest). My parents asked us just last night if we needed anything, and could likely help out with this, as they just did the most business they've EVER done last month.

If it came down to it, we could even put off our other bills (rent, etc.) for a week or two. Our landlady is great about letting us pay when we can, and the people with our loan from the old Nissan are usually understanding if we're late, as long as we tell them we'll be late. Our utilities are current, so the only thing we'd have to keep enough on tap for is insurance.

I guess what he's worried about is putting these things off and not being able to get caught up. Sure, that concerns me, but we have ALWAYS been provided for in some way. I'm just not worried about not having what we need. I'm also not worried about S.M. coming through in 3 weeks.

What I am worried about is +Kyle's attitude. He's ready to drop everything and give it up as a lost cause. I told him on the phone, "Don't you dare give up on me. We can do this SOMEHOW. We've been here too long to give up now."

If my dear husband gives up on this, it will be the last straw for me. I have WILLINGLY sacrificed too many things so he could go back to school. I have even offered to work two jobs so we could live better than we are and get our bills paid off. He wouldn't let me do that, but I would have in a heartbeat. If he just gives up now, with only a few months to go, it will only prove to me that I am not worth enough to him to *try*. It will be the last in a long line of failed attempts because he didn't want to work for something, or wasn't willing to.

Yes, the last. I love my husband, and I don't want to leave him, but I will not sit here and just take it if he allows this to happen without even trying to make it work. If he flunks himself out of school, he flunks himself out of my life as well.

This might be a good time to mention that Oklahoma has the second-highest divorce rate in the U.S.

Seriously... I'm just angry right now. I can't honestly imagine actually going through with a divorce, even if I had a legitimate reason (him having an affair) - but a point may have to be made! I'll pack up and stay with Shelly for a few days if it comes down to it. Can't afford to go home to mother, after all.

I pray...I pray, I pray, I pray that he does the right thing. I pray he has peace, and trusts that everything will work out. I pray he sends off the paperwork. I pray he doesn't give up. Maybe I'm mostly praying that for me; I don't know...but that doesn't make it any less sincere.

...looks around for $850...

Halloween was great.

I dressed up a bit at work - just my elf ears and some fantasy type makeup, but normal clothes. It was really fun - everyone loved it! ^_^ I even thought I looked cute, so that was really saying something. Lori decided she had dressed up too - as a homicidal maniac ("since I look like everyone else...") LOL! Thursday was such an amusing day.

Friday, we looked at some more rental houses. The rent was so much less, but they're really too small. We'd have to rent a storage building too, and with that, we wouldn't save any on monthly expenses, with the added gasoline cost (they're out in the boonies). That was a real bummer, but there's still one trailer we can look at. Hopefully Tuesday.

Yesterday, we went grocery shopping. We've switched to doing it every 2 weeks instead of weekly. This saves 60 miles worth of gas, and buying in bulk for 2 weeks is cheaper than going it a week at a time. Hopefully we can get a space heater in a couple weeks, unless we find another place to live. The days are cold, and the nights are colder...and it's not even winter yet. T_T

Today, I feel icky. It's a mix of dissatisfaction and discontent. I'm thankful that we have a place to live at all, and that we can afford what bills we have. It's depressing that we can't afford better, or at least to have the heat turned on here.

+Kyle apologizes almost daily "for getting us into this". I tell him it's okay - and really, it is. Everything is going great with the exception of warmth. I asked him if he'd thought about getting a part time job on Thursday and Friday afternoons after school. It'd only be about 10 hours a week, and with that, we could *at least* get this place heated, or maybe even afford a nicer rental house. He changed the subject. My first thought was how lazy that seems, although I didn't say so.

I'm going to bring up my thoughts about a second job. He gets so distressed that I have to support us in the first place. I don't want to make him mad, but I think he might listen to reason if I started looking for more part time work. I'm tired most of the time during the week, and catch up on sleep (and housework) on the weekends. He knows this, and SURELY he would do the right thing if it looked like I was going to be working yet more.

I begin to wonder if I should have taken that job offer at the Ardmoreite after all.