Stuff

I don't know what it is....I've just been so depressed this week. Maybe it's just hormones. I haven't had a period since before Christmas, so God only knows what kind of hormonal buildup has happened. It's worth it not to have to put up with the problems every single month, but man...

+Kyle told me tonight, "You're beautiful, you know that?" I never know what to say when he says something like that. I know what he wants me to say ("I know"), but how can I when I don't believe it myself? Sometimes I do just to humour him, but tonight I said "I must be, I guess." He really seemed upset over that and made me give him the answer he wanted anyway.

The whole interchange just depressed me more. I'm one of those people who, when someone says "you're a beautiful person", they mean "you're beautiful on the inside". I don't kid myself...I know I'm not much to look at, and even when I do get my weight down where it needs to be, I'm not going to be supermodel material. But is it wrong for me to wish that I had what it takes for people to notice me? I'd never act on a come-on or have an affair or anything, but just once I'd love to know what it feels like to have some cute guy at the mall do a double-take when I walk by.

Just once.

I really should be happy, you know. I should be thankful that I have a great husband who thinks I'm really all that - and I am thankful...I just wish I could live up to that belief, you know what I mean? I really don't deserve to have wound up with such a great guy.

So I guess that's enough pity-partying. The year's a quarter over, and I need some goals. I cleaned my desk off (mostly) Saturday, and found the fakie Points Finder I bought....3 months ago. I made a printable chart that I can fill out daily so I can keep up with the points of what I eat. I'm going to follow this for one month. If IceFeather can do it, I can. (Insert panicked expression in Icey's general direction!!) That's my goal - follow the plan for one month. At this point, weight loss is not the issue - sticking with something for that long is the issue. I'm terrible at remembering to do things, and let myself get off track really easily. (Just look at our Bible Study group! x_X) So, if I can do this for one month, that will be progress in itself - anything else will be icing on the cake.

So Ice, if you have any more sage advice, I am ALL EARS!!!

Well, I feel some better now. That's probably a good thing. =)

Day 1

Today is the first day. It's been pretty good, so far! I printed out my points lists to fill in, and on the other side of the page, my "More Hours in My Day" lists. Now I'm forced to pay attention to both things.

But then, the first day is always easy. It's about the 4th day that I start running into trouble. ^_^'>

My daily points goal is 22-27, and I am doing pretty well keeping up with it.
For breakfast, I had a 6-point meal, measuring everything out. 1 cup Raisin Bran Wheaties & 1 cup 2% milk. (I just can't make do with 1/2 cup of milk. x_X)

For lunch, I had to scrounge, and the best I could come up with was pizza bread. It's pretty bad, pointwise, but it'll teach me to be careful. It would have been 9, but I think some of the cheese was bad, so I only ate 1 and a half of the 2 pieces I fixed. Mathematically, that's 7 points (rounding up for the sake of staying under my 27 point max.) I had water to drink.

While lunch was baking, I looked around the kitchen and discovered all kinds of horrendous things about our pantry. Most of the things in there are 4 or more points on their own. Granted, a lot of it is stuff that we just don't eat - stuff that we got free from the Piggly Wiggly, and should really be thrown out since neither of us eats it. (Anyone want about 10 boxes of NutriGrain bars?)

Cereal is going to be a good thing for me. Kashi GoLean cereal is a 1 point breakfast! (4 with milk & probably a little more with fruit.) Also, you can eat a LOT (26!!) of mini pretzels for only 2 points. LOL

Next time we go to the store (probably gonna have to be tonight LOL!), I will need to get better snacky stuff for me. Carrots, celery, lettuce / salad stuff, tomatoes, cucumber. Plain nonfat yogurt is only 2 point too. ^_^ With raisins, 4 points, which is a GREAT lunch.

I realize, however, that this is NOT going to work unless I can have some kind of chocolate sometimes. The free cookies we sometimes get are insane - 3-5 points apiece! I don't have any candies to check, but they can't be any better. IceFeather, help! x_X

That reminds me, I need to check out the points in the trifle I make every Easter. It's essentially fat free, but I wonder how many points it has. You can literally make yourself sick on this trifle, it's SO good. ^_^'>

Ah well, more to come as the day progresses...