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No One Wants To Know This...
Oct. 2nd, 2003 02:07 pm...except those who care enough to ask...
I lost my identity when we moved. I didn't find myself until more than a year later...in fact, I only just truly found a place I can be happy(ier) last month.
I'm sad inside. This negative energy fills me much of the time, and it's a bad feeling. I used to vent that energy by bleeding it out. That wasn't really so long ago, when I think about it. Seven years is not so long. Maybe that wasn't the best way to release those forces, but it worked for a little while. I felt good for a few hours afterward....then, when that went away, I slept, so it didn't matter.
Then I met +Kyle. Truly, he helped dig me out of some of that stuff. But he also made me promise never to do it again.
He's on a REALLY big kick about promises right now, so I'm a little limited on what I can do.
Dressing up, acting out, whatever you want to call it, it worked. It's like wearing the darkness on the outside actually transferred it from inside me - a sort of shamanism, if you will.
And it didn't hurt anyone.
But now I've disrupted the white bread corporate wannabeism of their golf country club lifestyle. I'm an embarassment to them, and they won't admit it to themselves or anyone else. They patronize me.
They refuse to recognize the fact that, despite my outward appearance, I have always...ALWAYS...put the customer first. Never have I yelled at a customer. Never have I been rude to one. I don't yell throughout the building, ranting about meaningless things. I don't lose things. I don't complain (except here) very much at all. I've taken two sick days, and they were both legitimate. There have been MANY days when I *should* have taken off sick, and didn't because the work had to be done, and I didn't want to burden someone else with the tasks. I've never asked anything of them. I've saved them money on numerous occasions.
The only thing I've ever done is be myself, and suddenly they can't handle it...and they hide it in their syrupy speeches, making lame excuses as usual.
This is no different than the racist pigs who judge by the color of someone's skin or the manner in which they speak. I've been judged by my appearance alone, my skills, talents, and accomplishments disregarded. It's okay that a co-worker with seniority says, does, and looks however she wants...just not me.
They do have a point. Certain businesses should exhibit a degree of 'professionalism'. But if that means everyone must fit into the same box, I want no part of it.
I lost my identity when we moved. I didn't find myself until more than a year later...in fact, I only just truly found a place I can be happy(ier) last month.
I'm sad inside. This negative energy fills me much of the time, and it's a bad feeling. I used to vent that energy by bleeding it out. That wasn't really so long ago, when I think about it. Seven years is not so long. Maybe that wasn't the best way to release those forces, but it worked for a little while. I felt good for a few hours afterward....then, when that went away, I slept, so it didn't matter.
Then I met +Kyle. Truly, he helped dig me out of some of that stuff. But he also made me promise never to do it again.
He's on a REALLY big kick about promises right now, so I'm a little limited on what I can do.
Dressing up, acting out, whatever you want to call it, it worked. It's like wearing the darkness on the outside actually transferred it from inside me - a sort of shamanism, if you will.
And it didn't hurt anyone.
But now I've disrupted the white bread corporate wannabeism of their golf country club lifestyle. I'm an embarassment to them, and they won't admit it to themselves or anyone else. They patronize me.
They refuse to recognize the fact that, despite my outward appearance, I have always...ALWAYS...put the customer first. Never have I yelled at a customer. Never have I been rude to one. I don't yell throughout the building, ranting about meaningless things. I don't lose things. I don't complain (except here) very much at all. I've taken two sick days, and they were both legitimate. There have been MANY days when I *should* have taken off sick, and didn't because the work had to be done, and I didn't want to burden someone else with the tasks. I've never asked anything of them. I've saved them money on numerous occasions.
The only thing I've ever done is be myself, and suddenly they can't handle it...and they hide it in their syrupy speeches, making lame excuses as usual.
This is no different than the racist pigs who judge by the color of someone's skin or the manner in which they speak. I've been judged by my appearance alone, my skills, talents, and accomplishments disregarded. It's okay that a co-worker with seniority says, does, and looks however she wants...just not me.
They do have a point. Certain businesses should exhibit a degree of 'professionalism'. But if that means everyone must fit into the same box, I want no part of it.
