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I'm a dork...sue me...
Okay, so on Thursdays it has become my tradition to do something fun with my hair. It's like a little bit of stress relief at work, and it gets smiles of genuine amusement - not deridement - from my co-workers. That little "You look adorable today" makes me feel good about myself, and lifts my spirits.
So I've got braids today, pinned up into loopy things by butterfly-decorated barrettes. The ends of the braids kinda stick out like little ponytails. Since my hair is so long, it's really cute (imo, and nearly everyone else's as well) with the mini-tails.
So I come home for lunch, and what is the first thing I hear?
"I didn't expect you to be home before I left. You look even dorkier with my contacts in. Why?"
"Because."
"...Because...why?"
"Just because."
Gosh, thanks. My "dear hubby" knows this is what I do on Thursdays. He has ribbed me about it on several occasions, but I think this was the first actual *insult*, and it cut deeply. The half dozen or so positive comments from friends at work are swept away by one stinging blow.
So he heads out the door to go to the laundromat. I took down the braids, and changed clothes (he had said something derisive about that *before* I left for work...), not expecting him to come back in. He did.
"Why'd you take them down and change?"
"Because they bother you so much. I'm tired of your negative comments."
"You've never said anything about it before."
"Well, I should have. I'm sorry I offend you so."
"Fine, be a child about it. I don't care"
Maybe my reaction is childish. I don't really care if it is. I think he's being the childish one. *shrug* Clearly he cares TOO much, if my doing something he doesn't even have to look at all day upsets him to this degree. Frankly, the whole thing makes me want to cut off most of my hair, dye it pink or something, and just go wild. He loves long hair, and dyeing it any 'unnatural' color would embarass him to no end. Mean, huh? Of course I won't do it. I like long hair, too. :PPP
What I really want to know is what has he been festering over this morning to set him off like that. He holds about a million little things in until one tiny last thing sets him off, and then he blows up...usually at me, because I'm usually the cause of that tiny last thing. Of course he apologizes later, but that doesn't undo the damage.
The scary thing is is how much *better* he's gotten since we got married. We had some dandy fights the first couple of years. Not many, but they were always big. Now we still don't have many fights, and they're usually small. Of course, we both have to be right.
I know that what I should have done is left it all in, up and on, held my head up and said, "Oh well!", but I caved. Why do I live trying to suit others? Why do their opinions matter so much to me? Why do I care what people think about me? Why is my self esteem so co-dependent? Why am I so easily shattered? Why are you still reading this?
So I've got braids today, pinned up into loopy things by butterfly-decorated barrettes. The ends of the braids kinda stick out like little ponytails. Since my hair is so long, it's really cute (imo, and nearly everyone else's as well) with the mini-tails.
So I come home for lunch, and what is the first thing I hear?
"I didn't expect you to be home before I left. You look even dorkier with my contacts in. Why?"
"Because."
"...Because...why?"
"Just because."
Gosh, thanks. My "dear hubby" knows this is what I do on Thursdays. He has ribbed me about it on several occasions, but I think this was the first actual *insult*, and it cut deeply. The half dozen or so positive comments from friends at work are swept away by one stinging blow.
So he heads out the door to go to the laundromat. I took down the braids, and changed clothes (he had said something derisive about that *before* I left for work...), not expecting him to come back in. He did.
"Why'd you take them down and change?"
"Because they bother you so much. I'm tired of your negative comments."
"You've never said anything about it before."
"Well, I should have. I'm sorry I offend you so."
"Fine, be a child about it. I don't care"
Maybe my reaction is childish. I don't really care if it is. I think he's being the childish one. *shrug* Clearly he cares TOO much, if my doing something he doesn't even have to look at all day upsets him to this degree. Frankly, the whole thing makes me want to cut off most of my hair, dye it pink or something, and just go wild. He loves long hair, and dyeing it any 'unnatural' color would embarass him to no end. Mean, huh? Of course I won't do it. I like long hair, too. :PPP
What I really want to know is what has he been festering over this morning to set him off like that. He holds about a million little things in until one tiny last thing sets him off, and then he blows up...usually at me, because I'm usually the cause of that tiny last thing. Of course he apologizes later, but that doesn't undo the damage.
The scary thing is is how much *better* he's gotten since we got married. We had some dandy fights the first couple of years. Not many, but they were always big. Now we still don't have many fights, and they're usually small. Of course, we both have to be right.
I know that what I should have done is left it all in, up and on, held my head up and said, "Oh well!", but I caved. Why do I live trying to suit others? Why do their opinions matter so much to me? Why do I care what people think about me? Why is my self esteem so co-dependent? Why am I so easily shattered? Why are you still reading this?