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May. 30th, 2004 12:58 pm
lsdiamond: (Default)
This has been a strange, strange week.

Actually, things have been nothing but strange, hectic, and difficult since we got back. +Kyle and I have fought more than ever for weeks. I flipflop on how I feel, and what I think I'm capable of right now. He flipflops on whether or not to kick me out or hold onto me for dear life.

He's threatened to kill himself over me leaving twice this week...this after telling me to get out if I don't want him for him *now*. The last time (I guess it was Thursday) resulted in me getting pretty bruised and slightly cut up from wrestling his 1911 away from him, then his knife, then trying to wear him out hiding the gun in pieces so he couldn't use it. I actually remembered to take the bullet out of the chamber this time, but I couldn't get the safety off to actually do it. This is the pistol he built, and the safety is really tight. I let him believe I threw the gun under the stairs to buy some time, but since it wouldn't budge, I had to hide it. So we played, "Where's the gun? What did you do with it?" for about an hour. This is a fun game where I say nothing and he makes various threats to my bodily health and happiness to try to get me to talk. It's not fun getting tapped in the face with a flashlight, waiting for the blow that's going to cave in part of it.

So after about two hours, and another session of insane laughter at nothing funny, he got to the point of realizing just what he was doing, and stopped. He swears this was the last time. Never again. It sure as hell is the last time. I can't do this anymore. Love puts up with a lot, but it's not stupid, either.

I should note here that he had unplugged the phone and thrown it somewhere so I couldn't call the police, and I wasn't about to leave him alone in the house long enough to find a neighbor who would get up at that hour.

Lots of talking afterward. I don't remember what about, but we calmed down for the time being.

So Friday, we went out, despite having had quite the argument. Much the same topic. I'm not in love with him *now*, so I should just leave. We *had* to go out, because +Kyle needed to pick up his check, and we needed groceries, but also we had been planning to go to the mall all week, just to get out of the house. Now, the last time we'd talked about it, he'd mentioned just going alone. I thought that was a good idea. But we get to Friday, and when I don't want to go, still thinking it a good idea for him to try things without me, he sulks, provoking the argument.

So I ended up going anyway. We went to the mall, obtained Sakkio and then bummed around separately. Ran into each other a couple of times. Decided to leave, and in the car, he asked what kind of a break I wanted. I said I'd been thinking it might be a good idea for me to move out for a couple of months. No, that's not acceptable. If I leave for any amount of time, he'll find me with divorce papers.

So I left that alone, and we drove along to see if Formosa was still around. Someone allegedly found a cat's tooth in their chicken one time around November of last year. I smell conspiracy, because they were planning on a remodel, and had closed for it around that time. It's now something like Fortune Chinese Buffet, and I hope it's run by the same people, because their food was the absolute best. Maybe it really was cat, but if so, I'd live on it. :P Animals taste good.

So we went to Toys R Us afterward just to look around, and avoid going back to the house right away. More separate browsing. I was looking at CDs and games, and +Kyle came up behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, but, can I take you out for coffee?" I didn't get what he was doing, but accepted and linked arms with him. He asked if I was that close with everyone, or if he was just that good. I started to understand, and said I was just that affectionate, and he was kinda cute.

So he started talking about his wife and how he was feeling neglected and they were having a lot of problems, etc. We went down to Barnes and Noble since there's a Starbucks, got frappuccinos and sat down and talked about our respective situations. It was interesting talking about him like he wasn't there, and hearing his take on things I have done. We speculated about each other's spouses and the reasons they might do the things they do. Maybe he didn't understand that his reactions to her "health craze" was actually destructive. Maybe she doesn't want to tell him about things that bother her, because it'll mean she's nagging, etc. "I know that's something I tend to do," type speculation.

It was an interesting approach, but I still didn't understand exactly his reasoning behind it. He kept saying things like, "Maybe I just need to let her go...give her the space she's looking for." I'm sitting here going, "He finally gets it!" He said that he didn't know how things were going to work out with his wife, but that he liked me and would like to spend some time with me, maybe going out on the weekends or something.

To me, that sounds like someone who has resigned themself to the fact that they can't be with the person they love for whatever reason. Perhaps I only think this way because it's what I've had to do.

But no...when we got back to the house, and I 'crashed at his place', he decided he wanted to talk about the evening. I really didn't think it a good idea, but agreed to against my better judgment.

It turned out that he was trying to start over with no baggage. Good idea, perhaps, but he was still trying to force something that isn't there, which only frustrated matters more. THEN he turned around and asked, "Will you marry me?" Did he really expect me to say yes?

I tried, I really did, to be calm and explain why this wasn't a helpful situation, but it just deteriorated. He started praying for me to be healed from our fight, and for our marriage to be restored. I didn't even say an amen. I was too beyond frustrated and exhausted to know if I really agreed, and am I going to lie about it? Not even.

So yesterday we muddled along after yet another fight before he went to work. He said, "If you don't want me for me...don't be here when I get back." So I tried to find somewhere to go with no luck. Called Mary. No answer. Called Pam. No answer. Got on LJ to see if anyone was even on that I could talk to. Des replied, but she was going out to help Jason, and she's been sick anyway, so I wouldn't want to burden her with this right now.

So I debated what to do at all, and, still being mentally exhausted, I took a nap on the couch. Most of my stuff is packed, and he didn't say I should take everything...just to not be there. The problem being that I had nowhere to go, I left messages and waited for some reply. Pam called around 6:00, and we talked for a long time about what's been going on. I came to some disturbing conclusions, the largest of which is that, even though I didn't sleep with anyone else, I'm still an adulteress in this. Emotional lust is still lust. Wanting what's not rightfully yours in the stead of what is yours. We talked about other things, like what's helped her in her marriage, their struggles with mental problems. Granted, she's never had to deal with physical abuse, but their problems have been dreadful.

She did tell me something that I think I finally get. I asked her, "How much is 'a lot'?" She said she thought I knew, but honestly, I didn't. She said that there comes a point where you have to ask if you've truly done everything you can for this person, and when you get to that point, you have to remember that the choices they make are THEIR choices. She said I am not responsible for the things +Kyle does. She said it was a hard lesson for her to learn that she was not responsible for the times when Gg made self-damaging choices, but eventually she learned it.

I'm at that point.

I told her about the things that +Kyle has changed so drastically to try to make this work. Yes, it was all based on hope and perhaps some faith, but he did get a job. He hates it, but he's said he'll stick with it as long as it takes. He found us a place to live. She expressed consternation on the timing of it, my stress level, and the fact that we have NO money.


I had seriously thought about staying in Oklahoma for a couple more weeks, just to keep drawing a paycheck and get things going that much more easily. She said that could have been a good idea. The problem was that +Kyle has always said if I stayed behind, or leave him, it's for good. So far I haven't been able to, in good conscience, do that. And the few times I've taken him at his word, it's resulted in him begging me to stay in some way or another.


I have, up to this point, been operating under the belief that it's possible that I could learn to love +Kyle again. I've come to realize that's impossible until my feelings for Scooter fade to a sufficiently "friendly" level. I don't know how long that's going to take, or honestly, if it will happen at all. Until that happens, all I have to hang onto is my desire to do what's right in spite of what I want. I've tried to explain this to +Kyle on numerous occasions, but only last night did he *get* it. Now all of a sudden, he's willing to wait. I guess he sees a ray of hope in this. I'm not there yet. I'm still hurting from this.

+Kyle has gone over time and time again how he's hurting too. I know he's hurting. It's kindof my fault that he's hurting. He reminds me constantly how we shouldn't even be here - I'm punishing him by making him wait for me to love him like I should, being that he's my husband and all. I've explained time and time again that it's not intentional. It never has been. Well...I can't say that...but it didn't start that way. I was starving for something, didn't know how to get it , and when it came along by accident, I held on with both hands, even when the voice in the back of my mind said, "You really don't need to be here." By then, I didn't care anymore because I was happy, and +Kyle didn't seem to mind since I was finally less melancholy.

Until of course it got to the point where I gave my heart, which I had so carefully locked away from +Kyle to keep from getting hurt anymore, to someone to whom I had no right. Then I got more depressed than before.

Still operating under this belief that it may be possible to be happy with +Kyle again, I've had to stop talking to Scooter at all, even as a friend. At least for awhile. It's so draining on me. I know we can't be anything more than friends, and I can't keep expending energy on something for which hope must be postponed indefinitely. Even if +Kyle and I do wind up separating, I'll have no choice but to be alone, because the woman at the well was forgiven...but told to go and sin no more. If I want to do the right thing, I have to play by the rules...even though it hurts like hell. I have explained this to them both as best I know how, but I don't think either one really understands.

Scooter has always said my happiness is the most important thing to him. If I can be happy with +Kyle, that's what he wants for me. If I can't be happy unless we're apart, that's what he wants for me. Yet, he will wait to the end of his days for a chance to be with me if possible. That is a great source of pain for me in this, too, because I let things go so far.

I can't help that we grew to love each other so deeply. I should have told him I feared where this was going much sooner than I did. And when I actually realized where it was going, I should have said goodbye before things got so involved. But I was foolish...arrogant...I thought I could control things better. I thought I could keep my feelings in check. We both did.

I miss him so, so much. I miss everyone.

There was a little girl in church this morning. She looked almost just like Twyla. About the same age...darker hair, but similar facial features, and a sweet temperment. I cried all during church, partially because of her and missing Twyla and everyone, and partially because the sermon and readings hit really close to home right now. It was about faith and what kinds you can have:

No faith (disciples in the storm)
Little faith (Peter falling after walking on the water)
Great faith (pagan woman begging Jesus for her daughter's healing)

The underlying idea was that faith, being the stuff of which our hopes are made, and the evidence of things we can't physically experience, is the reason behind the things we do as Christians, or rather, it should be.

I'm so sad today. I'm trying to open up to +Kyle, but it's hard because the main reason I'm sad is the main reason he's angry. It's not fair that he is in this situation, but it's still not fun for me, either.
lsdiamond: (Default)
It always comes back to this. What I want in life doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter? Because what I want, inevitably I cannot have. God seems to delight in allowing things to come into my life and then showing me why they're not for me. (Well, it does say he loves chastisement, now doesn't it?) Right now, I want to run away from my problems, and ignore the fact that people always have problems, and they don't go away. I want to go back, to be with the one with whom I am still in love, despite everything. I want to be happy. But I want to do what's right despite my own desires, so I have stayed and acted in a loving way toward +Kyle, and

But none of that matters. Even if I didn't care about right and wrong, I can't go back now. Even if +Kyle kicks me out.

Why?

I need time. I found myself once, and that person seems better off alone right now. I want to go back to school. I want to learn Japanese, and finish my degree. I want to travel. I want to get out of debt. Can I do those things with a significant other, regardless of who that may be? Sure. In some ways, it would be easier. In others, more difficult. But will I still want to be alone after all of that? It could be years. What then? I can't get married again unless I go back to +Kyle, but since he wouldn't have me back, I couldn't marry anyone else unless +Kyle commits adultery. I don't know that I would want to remarry at all, but I have to consider every possibility.

Even if not for this, I don't have a job to go back to anymore. Terry pulled the Thrifty ad, our biggest client. There were several reasons, mainly the cost-effectiveness of inserts vs. the double-truck ad in the centre of the paper. But do you know what Niki told me he said? He said I was the best ever to do his ad. The best ever, and I am no longer there. I cried over that. I could cry over it now.

Oh, I have friends out there...many practically family. Someone would take me in until I was on my feet again. There are other jobs to be had. But the schooling I want isn't out there, anyway, and it would look terrible if I went back...even if I wasn't running back into someone else's arms (which I wouldn't be, wanting time *alone*), it would look bad.

So which do I want more? Happiness now? Or a hope of happiness later (that I frankly don't see, and don't know if I have faith for at the moment) if I do the right thing? Does it even matter? +Kyle doesn't want me to stay because it's the right thing to do. He wants me to stay because I want to stay. He wants me to want him again, and he wants it now. I've had "long enough" to love him again the way he wants and the way I should.

And if I don't want him *now*, he wants me out. Today. Before he gets off work. He's been telling me for days to pack up and go back to Oklahoma. "Go find a way to be with *him*," he says. Of course, he's just trying to give me what I want a hundred times over to make me sick of it...make me smoke the whole pack at once...he told me that last night.

I've asked for weeks, How do I turn it on? How do I make myself want something I haven't wanted in years? Now I ask, Why do I even bother? It's not good enough, because a desire to try to work it out because it's the right thing to do is "the wrong reason" according to +Kyle. It's not enough for him.

If I stay, we will both continue to be miserable. If I leave, no matter where I go, it's over for good because he wants a clean break. If I stay, he'll believe I feel something I don't feel, and it still won't be good enough for him. If I leave, he might try to kill himself again. If I stay, he'll keep bombarding me with "I'm in love with you", and then sulk when I can't return that to his satisfaction. If I leave, he'll be heartbroken because his universe revolves around me and he doesn't want to lose me. I have hoped that by staying, by making efforts to be happy again, by letting him be what he wants to be to me, that I would regain those feelings. He is not satisfied by that.

I had already said an indefinite goodbye to Scooter. That hasn't helped yet. Those feelings do not just disappear. We had remained friends with permission, and yeah, it's been hard, but just because you resign yourself to the fact that something isn't going to happen, it doesn't mean you don't miss it. It doesn't just go away. Even when you're not faced with that person anymore, it doesn't just go away.

Things were easier with +Kyle last night because he was operating as though we were just friends. We do well like that...palling around. He even agreed. Then we get back here, talk about the evening, and he tells me that no, he was not offering to let go and just be friends, that he was trying to start over with no baggage. THEN he comes off and asks me if I'll marry him right off the bat? I don't know! That just confuses me more!

What do I do? This just keeps coming up. It's not going away, and it's not going to. I'm tired of trying. He doesn't want me to try, anyway, because I don't share the feelings he does, and haven't for a very very long time. Knowing I have been in the wrong about much of this doesn't change the fact that I Can't Just Turn It Back On. Maybe some people can, but I'm not one of them. I know. I've tried.





Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble...
If I stay, it will be double...
So come on and let me know...
Should I cool it or should I blow?
lsdiamond: (Default)
We got up rather late (9-ish) and went to church shortly thereafter. Mainly it was a ceremony to honor mothers, being Mother's Day.

So afterward, we came back to the house, grabbed a quick lunch (bratwurst & salad), and Scooter came by about half an hour earlier than we expected, so we ran around and left out shortly after 1:00.

The drive to Sherman is interminable going the back roads, because there is just nothing to look at. Trees. Sign. Trees. Grass. Trees. Grass. Bridge. Grass. Cows. Grass. Cows. Sign. Grass. Grass. Cow. Barn. Sign. Grass. Cows. Trees. Grass. McDonald's. Then you meet Hwy 82, and you're basically there.

So we got tickets for the 4:00 showing of Van Helsing, then bummed around the mall for awhile. +Kyle had a nosebleed shortly after we arrived.

Really, all we did was play in the arcade. I did pod racing, but the screen is going out, so it wasn't a very successful run. +Kyle found an awesome game that senses your movement - you're a member of the Japanese police, and you go in, taking out the yakuza (Japanese mafia). Very very cool. If you duck, the viewpoint ducks. Hide behind a wall, likewise. Stand up to fire, etc. It's really awesome. They need it in Huntsville if they don't have it already. Can't remember what it was called, though. Scooter very nearly beat Soul Caliber. On the very last guy, in the very last battle, the enemy overtook him with a series of devastating blows. He said it was the closest he's ever come to beating it without using any Continues. ^_^ After that, he challenged us each to air hockey. +Kyle won 7-6, in a very long match. The puck flew off the table several times. My game wasn't nearly as long, but I still did pretty well - 7-6, but Scooter won that time. My weak spot is the right side of the goal, and I didn't guard it very well.

After playing, it was getting close enough to 4:00 that we decided to head toward the theatre. We got there about 10 'til, and the place was pretty much packed. Our seats were in the front row of the stadium area, which is placed *about* as far back as we like to sit, so they were decent.

Van Helsing - possible spoilers ahead )

After the film, we went for Chinese at China Star. It was of course quite good. It's no Formosa, and hopefully one of these days we can show our friend what REAL Chinese tastes like...but it was still good. We made small talk...largely about the movie.

by now it was about 7:30, and thus far too early to think about calling it a night, so we decided to go back through Durant and do the Sunday night bowling deal. It didn't start until 10, so we put our names on the list - lane 16 - the first lane we ever played. Since it was rather early yet, we went for coffee at the Waffle Shoppe. I don't remember much of the conversation...just enjoyed the company. I know 80s cartoons were discussed at some point. Probably plans for the future. Reminiscence... I tried not to think about the fact that this was our last outing.

So...Bowling! On Sundays, it's a $5 cover (shoes included), and each game is a quarter.
We can play four games in two hours, so this turned out to be a good deal. We still never broke 400, but it was a lot of fun. Scooter & I split a pitcher again, but I didn't get nearly as blitzed as last time. :P That's probably the last time I'll be combining alcohol and any kind of publicly recreational activity, simply because +Kyle only drinks the really dark beers. Maybe if Des comes along, or if we go anywhere with Gamegod and Geekgrrl. Ian's not old enough yet.

The place shut down around midnight, so since I had to be at work later, we figured it was a good idea to get back to Madill. It seems like the ride home was pretty quiet. Bridges were discussed. At some point in the evening, Scooter informed us that the Roosevelt Bridge between Kingston and Durant sways, and he had had to stop on it one time (due to traffic, I think), and noticed it then. Once again, I am not looking forward to the one over the Mississippi on I-40. I always dread bridges of any sort, anyway, but that one is just...yikes... +Kyle jokingly said he was going to cross it and I could follow him or not, but I don't think he realizes just how much they scare me. Worse than high places. Upon a Googling, I find the term to be "gephyrophobia", and that it is a fairly common fear. Meh. Doesn't make me not have to drive over it!

Overall, it was a great day. I can't believe how much I'm going to miss these outings with our illustrious friend - even when he's on a down cycle. Yes, we'll do similar activities with friends in Alabama...I'm really trying to look forward to that...but this especially hurts.
lsdiamond: (Default)
Saturday was a late-getting-started day. We slept until about 11:00, then called Scooter at work to see if he still wanted to go to the range before VJ's luau. He said sure, so I ran to The Dreaded (Mini) Mart of Wal for ammo while +Kyle got the guns ready.

At the store, a couple of guys probably in their 40s - one of them had a kid around age 10 - were getting fishing supplies or something. I was at the counter rattling off the different ammunition sizes I needed to the clerk, and one of the guys asked if I was going into the military. ^_^ It struck me as funny, but I just smiled and said that no, I was going to the range for some target practice.

Scooter has just moved in with Rick, as the dorms at MSC have been sold to the Chickasaw Nation for some other use, and the new dorms haven't been built yet. Rick lives upstairs at the funeral home in Tish. It's a *very* strange arrangement, but it sounds like a sweet deal - $250 a month, all bills paid! Rick lucked out for sure, and I guess they're splitting the rent now.

Anyway, we got to their apartment around 12:30, and he had basically decided not to go. His car had been overheating after the shortest of drives (like from Rick's to the Shamrock station and back...maybe a mile round-trip.) So he wanted to look at that, and was in rather an unpleasant mood from our conversation the previous evening. He'd been late to work - a first for him - and was just not really in the mood.

+Kyle was pretty distraught over this, as the disagreement & upset was his fault. He kept pushing last night, instead of letting the issue drop, and pushed way too far. We stood around for a little while just talking, and +Kyle apologized for being so paranoid, for not truly forgiving, being so accusatory, and the rest.

The other night we were talking, and he actually gave me credit for being able to think of a scheme to get him to end our marriage on his terms since he wouldn't do it on mine. Something about me being so ready to try to work things out as a way to throw him off guard so I could leave later or something. Short of being annoyed with his paranoia, I was flattered that he thought I was clever enough to come up with something that devious. I'm just not.

After much coercion, and finding that the Corsica was excessively low on water, we finally got Scooter to come with us to VJ's house to make an appearance and then leave at his discretion, as she'd said it was a 'come and go as you please' thing. By now, it was 2:00, so we told him that after we decided to leave, we'd come back by Rick's and see if he felt any better, and we could go to Western Inn or even the range, since it doesn't get dark until late.

So...VJ's luau was a lot of fun. I didn't know who all to expect, but besides the three of us, it was her family. She had the backyard set up with chairs, tables, and an inflatable water slide for the kids who would ostensibly be coming over later to play with Lynze. She also had one of those quick set up pools - the ring around the top is inflatable, and I guess it just fills itself. They're nifty, and work well! They are only just deep enough to swim a very little bit in, but one could get a pretty good whirlpool going if they tried. Oh! Must not forget, she had a slip 'n' slide type thing, too.

We all sat around and chatted about nothing in particular over summer sausage, fruits, veggies and soda. Oh wait, it's Oklahoma, so the word is 'pop'. My bad. ;) Anyway, VJ plans to go low carb, see about joining the reserves (I think?) when she gets her weight down, and I think she mentioned a career, but for the life of me, I can't remember it. I'm so proud of her, and it sounds like she has her plans figured out nicely. Brian seems to be supportive, so that's cool. ^_^

VJ had some cute games, too. One was a deal where you lay this ring on the ground, then try to flip these jellyfish-looking things into the ring. Problem is, they bounce erratically when they hit the ground, so the trick is to get them high enough where they bounce more controllably. We all eventually got the hang of that one. Scooter left after about an hour, which was longer than we'd expected, but he seemed to have an enjoyable time, so we thanked him for letting us kidnap him.

Lynze had played in the pool already, and been out, but wanted back in, so I went in to get changed, and we played for awhile. It was a warm day, and the water was a good temperature - just slightly chilly, but not enough to be unpleasant. We had fun doing that, and when she wanted out, she, VJ and I all played with the slip 'n' slide. I don't remember it hurting that much when I was 10. LOL! It was fun, though. Lynze and I played in the little slide thing, too, but I didn't slide. It had a small pool, so we just sat in it and tried to hook these inflatable rings on the pokey-things in front. It was rather silly, but fun, anyway. Lynze is a trip.

VJ also had two badminton raquets and birdies. Lynze wanted to play that, but she's 5, so she swings wildly most of the time. Eventually, she figured out that she could swing more gently, and then I had a chance of hitting it back to her. We got it going back and forth three or four times, then she got excited and whacked it across the yard. LOL! Ah well. Eventually, one of her swings resulted in the pink birdie landing on the roof, well out of reach.

After more noshing, chatting, and visiting, +Kyle and I left around 4:30.

As promised, we went back up to Rick's to see if Scooter wanted to go out to the range. We really didn't expect him to, but had offered and wanted to make good as this would be the last chance. Surprisingly, he did! So we went and shot for about two hours. He's not comfortable around guns, but did pretty well, considering, and really seemed to enjoy the events. We all tried out +Kyle's sniper rifle, which isn't sighted properly, so none of us hit what we wanted to, or even got very close, but it was still fun. Of the semiautomatic pistols, I can't decide if I like the 1911 or the Taurus better. I didn't shoot the .22 this time, but we all giggled about the toy-like ping it makes when compared to the bigger stuff.

The best part was when we got out the shotgun. +Kyle put a new recoil pad on it, and it is SO nice to shoot now! Before, it would bruise your shoulder because there was no absorption. Now the kick is anything but unpleasant, and of course that BOOM! is satisfying. We all took a shot with it, and then I rounded up some cans and bottles that other people had left, laying them out on the table. (Actually, I had done this earlier to practice with the 9 mil, but I only hit one of them - at the bottom, and it went FLYING up and back about 10-15 feet. That was just funny.

But back to the shotgun! We had those cans and things lined up, and I took the first shot, and caused serious harm to a Gatorade bottle. We all did, and finally we bunched them all up, and Scooter took a shot, and they arced up and back in perfect Hollywood fashion at 10:00, 11:00, 1:00 and 2:00. It wouldn't have been a more beautiful shot if it had been planned. I really wish we'd had video of it.

The containers were long past being useful by this point, the cans shredded, and the bottles even moreso.

It was around 7:00 by this time, and we decided to pack it in and go, sans coffee break, as Scooter was pretty well exhausted. I think he told us later that he crashed around 9:00.

Don't remember much of the rest of the evening. It was probably spent in much talk, and likely some DDR, as well.

Fridae

Apr. 23rd, 2004 10:53 pm
lsdiamond: (Default)
Friday evening was much fun. +Kyle & I debated what to do for quite some time, and had just about decided to go pick up a DVD player. I had to run back to work to pick up this week's paper, and when I got back, we had company - Scooter was on his way to his parents' house for the weekend, and stopped to say hi and see if we wanted to go do anything. We stood on the porch for about an hour just mulling over ideas and seeing who could do the most pull-ups on the rafters. (+Kyle did three, over-handed, no less.)

It started to get dark, and we considered either bowling or skating. Ardmore or Durant. Potential for clubbing afterward about the same. Decent coffee vs. not so great coffee. We opted for the coin method of choosing, and heads was bowling, so it was off to Durant after a change of clothes. Fortunately, we had all already eaten.

Durant Bowling Center was still having their April special - $20 for 2 hours at a lane, and a free pitcher of whatever you want to drink. Not a bad deal.

The weather was dreadfully humid, and the air conditioning inside wasn't high enough to do much about it. Everything stuck to everything else. Next time I'm bringing some powder or something for my hands. Yuck.

The first two games, I don't think any of us broke 80. I don't think I even broke 50, actually. Just could not find that rhythm. It didn't help that the first lane they put us in was warped or something. The floor was sticky, too. All in all, it was pretty bad. They moved us two lanes over, and things improved, but still no one was scoring very well. +Kyle did better than either Scooter or me - combined, in some cases. LOL! Poor S. just could not find it for anything. I felt kinda bad for him, but he seemed to be having a good time, despite. There is also the fact that he was on his very last cigarette (of which we're VERY proud!)

About halfway through the third game, I found it. I can finally bowl left-handed, I can step off properly, my speed is WAY up (like double what it was) and I even made a couple of strikes. THAT was satisfying. ^_^ I think I had a 10 lb. ball, down from a 12, although thinking back, it could have been as light as an 8. I'm pretty sure it was a 10, though, because the 6 was WAY too light.

Speaking of a 6, one of the guys found a bright orange ball on a nearby lane, and they both started playing with it, throwing it in rather a shot-put fashion. +Kyle kept getting strikes with the stupid thing. Scooter lost his balance in doing so, and managed to fling himself into the lane instead. We all laughed, and he said that he really should have just gotten up and taken a bow after that one. LOL! I want to say he managed to knock one pin down, but I can't remember for certain.

I think we managed 4 and a half games. I was doing pretty well by the end of the evening, and even Scooter managed to win the final game, but +Kyle smacked us both around, scorewise. He was just on. I'm definitely hoping to be able to get over 100 next time we play. I think I can do it now that I've found where I need to be. I have a killer hook, so with practice, I should be able to cultivate it into something useful.

+Kyle doesn't need any help. He made three strikes in a row during one game, and at least two others separately in the same game. I'm pretty sure Scooter will do better next time, since he'll be detoxed.

Next time, we're going to go on a Sunday night when they have a $5 cover charge, and each game is a quarter. Should be a little cheaper that way, and we can stay longer than two hours if we so choose.

About 11:30, our two hours were up, so we went to the Waffle Shoppe for coffee and chit-chat. It was good that we did so, because as soon as we got there, the bottom fell out of the sky and drenched Durant. The power kept going out for a second or two, but the weird thing was how badly the weather affected the radio.

We talked about all kinds of oddities. +Kyle's whole "the land before time was only this big" big bang thing kept creeping up throughout the evening. I can't remember specific topics. We wander from one thing to another every time, and it's always just interesting.

Don't remember how late we stayed out, but it was great, as always.
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One of these days, I will learn to listen to my own advice.

I knew from the start of this how things would have to turn out. No one could escape a situation like this unscathed. What I didn't realize was that I was the one doing most of the hurting on all sides. No one *told* me so, but I should have realized it, being that I was in the middle of everything.

Anyway... All is forgiven. All parties are healing. We all remain friends. Ground rules have been set, and I have peace and faith that we will all be stronger for it. Stronger people, *and* stronger friends.

Remember last Tuesday, how my one prayer was for that "move out" to be for the best for +Kyle & me? Frankly, I expected to have lost everything within three days - +Kyle for his anger, Phoenix for needing to be alone, my family for running away, and my friends for lack of understanding of what I felt I needed to do.

Instead, we all have been granted grace. My husband has come to realize all the harm he has done to me, and appears to be working to correct it. He's also forgiven me all the wrongs I've done to him. We have both come to love a good friend more deeply than mere emotions can dictate, and the three of us will be better for the things we have been through together. My family has respected my need for space, and, though I'm sure they're still displeased with the way I "handled" things, I truly believe that it was the only way, and that I was right in doing so the way I did. +Kyle said it was the wake-up call he needed, and has nothing bad to say about the results, although my leaving hurt him deeply.

You have to break a few eggs to make an omelet, right?

Anyway... +Kyle has made phenomenal changes just since Sunday. Truthfully, I am having a hard time accepting that he means it. I'm so used to being manipulated that I see him changing tactics so he can keep control of me another way. Still, I *hope* he is for real. Time will tell if he really means it. Gamegod says he's grown up a lot in the past few days, so I have hope.

We're looking for some kind of counselor, but are not having a lot of success. Too many people who know either one of us already. We want a completely impartial person - someone we've never met, but who has a good reputation in the area.

Some things came together for me on Sunday, too. It's long, painful, and nothing I care to go into here. Suffice it to say, +Kyle understands why I have reacted to situations the way I have, and frankly, now I understand a little bit better, too.

My only question now is...how do you learn to forgive yourself? I can forgive anyone for anything. I can accept forgiveness from others, even when I know it's the last thing I deserve. But I can't..or maybe I won't...give myself that luxury, and +Kyle says it's something I absolutely have to do...for things that are 20 years old, in some cases.

To rebuilding bridges, and learning new things.
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Methinks it's time for a lighter post.

Friday I had requested off from work to attend and help out the Murray State College SGA with the Senior Day event. It's a way to draw local high-school soon-to-be grads to the college, show off the programs available, and enjoy some competitive camaradarie via games, and a tug-of-war over a vast mud pit.

So things didn't get off to a very good start. I'm so moody lately - one morning will wake up fine, another morning, totally unwilling to even try to be civil. I know I'm putting +Kyle through a lot of hell right now, but I really don't mean to. I just need time for awhile.

Anyway, I was pretty much in one of those 'determined not to have a good time right away' moods, despite having looked forward to this for several weeks. Got out there about 10 after 8, and got involved with everyone. The usual gang was there - Joanna, Micah, Mike, Lydia, Allen, Nancy, Rodney, a girl named Stephanie, and of course Susan, and others. We all milled around doing various necessary things until the kids started showing up. I guess it was maybe 9:00 when everything got started?

Anyway, everyone made for the various groups of kids who had congregated in the waiting chairs. Everyone had their own little cliques, of course - 4 or 5 here and there, most likely all friends from the same schools broken up into their groups by school. It was our job to bring everyone together into teams for the games.

There was one kid sitting by himself. He was goth, and either shy or shunned...doesn't really matter which. I remember being that kid sometimes. The first Big G.I.G. I attended comes to mind. Micah and I saw that he was the -only- high school student without either a friend or a team leader to talk to, so we decided to concentrate on him as a start, and maybe bring him into Joanna's group of kids. It didn't hurt that I'd decided to go goth, myself, that day. (Never Knock at Death's Door...) I hoped to be someone to whom he could relate a little, to break the ice.

I sat down to his left, a chair space between us, and Micah sat to my left. The kid's nametag read "Chris is my name." I really don't remember what all smalltalk was made, but it basically started out with the usual exchange of names, a handshake, and a smile. Chris is 18, and must like to write, because he carried a thick notebook and pencil. I'd have liked to ask about it, but it seemed a little personal. I remember when I was a teenager, and wrote a lot, and drew...it was all very private, but I always had a notebook with me. Anyway...somehow, we brought a third party, Invisible Bob, into the picture, and all were amused. We talked to him about the school, and some of the programs, and what the day was about.

At some point, teams began to form, so we used that opportunity to lure, I mean, encourage him to have fun with everyone. He joined a team, but I don't remember whose. Stephanie's, I think. Micah and I went off to help Joanna with her team, and somehow wound up with Allen's team by the end of it.

I wound up talking with another girl, D.J., in our team (Team 3), while the first game was being set up. She's also 18, left-handed, and we wear the same Skechers laceless shoes...down to the color. She likes drag racing, Evanescence and Linkin Park, and a nifty pair of sunglasses that she broke when she fell off a chair at the library. They're taped, as the break isn't bad. They really are cool sunglasses - bluish metallic thick plastic frames with a tribal print along the earpiece. She has a scholarship to MSC already, and is interested in the art program.

The teams played several games - an orange pass game, where you hold an orange under your chin, and pass it to the next person via their chin. Kinda hard to explain, but it's funny to watch. Each team had to pass 4 oranges down their line of 10 people, and if anyone dropped an orange, they had to start at the beginning. Team 3 won that game handily.

The next game was a mud pie 'fear factor' type game. Each pie tin was filled with pudding, and a single sour gummy worm was buried somewhere inside. The first team to find their worm would win. The catch was, you could not use your hands, and one team's pie had no worm in it. :P How cruel! Christy in our group volunteered, but she HATES chocolate pudding! I guess that was incentive, because she won that round for Team 3 as well. Chris was the volunteer for whatever team he was in...his was the pie with no worm. LOL! Poor kid. Everyone who played that round was covered in pudding afterward. Christy had done an amazing job of keeping not only her face fairly clean, but also the table around the pie tin. One girl was actually sucking up the pudding, then spitting it out on the table to find their worm. I think she made second place, but that was pretty gross. :P

After that, we played a Pictionary type game. Whichever budding artist the team chose would pick a topic out of a hat, then paint a picture for their team to decipher...with their nose... Tamara was up for Team 3, and we did pretty well, considering the topic was "A Tale of Two Cities". I don't know who won that game, but the answer was "Eminem", and the clue drawn was easy...a blue circle with an "M" in the middle. LOL!

Next was a "Dress For Success" game where each team had to create an outfit representing success on their chosen teammate...out of toilet paper. Team 3 chose a wedding dress, and put it on our Chris, a little guy I've seen around before - maybe in one of the senior photos at work? It was pretty pathetic, with a hula-dress-style skirt and a sad veil. He looked like he was wearing a cross between some Japanese warrior outfit and a hula skirt. Sad! Lydia's team made a smart business outfit on one of their girls, and it won.

Last was a sack race with a twist... It's just like a three-legged race, but with three people (4 legs) instead of two. Jason and Charley were the two people of choice, and a little guy named Kyle volunteered to finish out the trio simply for the fact that his height was SO absurd compared to theirs. We joked about having the other two carry him, and *did* get their legs bagged together like that, but he said he ran of his own ability. It looked like it, anyway. Everyone yelled about us cheating, but the team to our left REALLY went too far, by carrying a girl between the two guys on either side. Team 3 won, and the judges ruled it fair.

Last was a 'Pin the Thermometer on the Vet Tech Dog' game. A picture of Odie, with a bullseye on his backside. :P All the teams went around once, but everyone pretty much had lined themselves up (despite blindfolds) and got their thermometers in place too easily, so the judges had them be spun around first, and *then* try again. I forget who won that competition.

Team 3 won the most, and so everyone got an MSC Mud Bash t-shirt. Everyone had a group photo taken. I got a few random shots of some of the events, but ran out of film, and hadn't brought another roll, so that was kindof a bummer. But all in all it was a fun day.

Since things were coming to something of a close, a few of us went up to where some of the local artists were showing off their wares. Most of it was pottery, but there was a fellow with geodes, polished stone jewelry, and arrowheads. There was a guy doing metal sculpture - welding or soldering something right there. There were a couple of other displays, but I think they were all more pottery. Only one table had a functioning wheel.

D.J. found me, and we chatted a bit more. At some point, (goth) Chris walked down the field, as if leaving, but he came back after a minute and sat alone on the curb behind us and to our left. It was obvious he felt like being included, having had a good time with everyone during the games. D.J. is really shy, and said something about me being personable, or something, I'm not sure exactly what. She wanted me to go over there with her and initiate another conversation with him. I just smiled and encouraged her a little bit, saying something to the effect of, "Yeah, I do make friends really easily, but it's your turn now." So she walked over, sat down, gave him a little friendly sideways hug, and they started talking. ^_^ That did my heart good. I don't think it's even anything more than just two people kindof alone in the world finding a way to get along with one other person who was a little like them.

After the games, there was lunch in the ballroom - pizza for all the staff involved, and some of the seniors were there, too. D.J. and Chris sat at a small table together. D.J. asked if I would like to join them, but I smiled at her, thanked them both, and said I was with the staff today. I think I learned a little about showing someone how to dig their way out of their shell without taking it apart for them.

Lunch snipped for difficulty )

Anyway, everyone was gathering to watch down the balcony. Some guys were outside with a firehose getting the pit filled with water for the final tug-of-war. D.J. and Chris found me, and we chatted for a few minutes. He threatened us both with a muddy hug after the tug of war was over. D.J. lamented the choice of music being played. I lamented the fact that some guy was messing with the sound system and not letting a single song *finish* playing!

snipped for more talky bits )

At some point, I went and changed into my Mud Bash Staff shirt, because I expected at least to get muddy from someone, be it Chris, or Micah, or Joanna, or whomever, tackling me wetly.

Anyway, back to the pit. We watched the tug-of-war games. I think the FFA team won in the end. Allen's team of Gunsmithing (of which he was the only one actually *in* the gunsmithing program!) put up a good fight in the last round, but the other guys won.

After that, it became a free-for-all, and about half the people there dove into the pit, wallowed in the mud, and got sprayed by the fire hose. It was too funny! Someone asked if I was going to go in, and I -almost- said no, but then I remembered this year's resolution, and went for it. It's very not easy to run down a muddy wet hill without sliding, but I managed to do so and made with a slip-and-slide dive into the pit. Got muddy water ALL up my nose, think I swallowed some, and knelt up out of it quickly, just throwing my hair back and laughing. Ohhh, that was so much fun! I came up out of the water, and Allen was there, and hugged me, then Rodney was on my right, so I grabbed his hand in a firm handshake and hugged him, too. Then Micah was somewhere and I did much the same... Let's see, Chris did wind up muddily hugging me. LOL It was too fun. My eyeliner probably ran halfway down my face, but I didn't care. Two girls outside the pit (not muddy, I might add) smiled at me, gave a thumbs-up and said, "Yeah, sexy..." I'm not sure if they were kidding or not. Don't really care. That was too much fun.

But here was the shocker. I turned to start back up the hill, and who was standing there, soaked to the bone, but +Kyle. Stick in the mud (no pun intended), stay in your shell and don't ever come out, don't try new things because you might actually enjoy them, +Kyle. I couldn't believe it, but I was so proud at the same time. I learned later that he had dragged Joanna down there, and was consequently dragged along with her by our other friends, and thrown in, but he let it happen, and actually enjoyed it. Way to go, +Kyle!

I got about halfway up the hill and then realized that all that mud was going to feel *really* good when it started drying and caking in my hair, so I went back down to get hosed off. MAN, that was cold! The high pressure didn't help, but it wasn't that bad. It would have made a great shower head. :P

more talking and some annoyance )
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Nancy thanked me.. She was fixing breakfast, and just kindof stopped for a second and said, "In case I don't get another chance to tell you, thank you for being Scooter's friend. He really needs one right now."

I laughed lightly, and said there was nothing to thank me for... I've only ever done that which I'm halfway proficient at doing, and I'm not even very good at that... Besides, he has always been a wonderful friend to me. I almost said more, but chose against it.

I've alluded to some of the difficulties between me and +Kyle this weekend... She has said, not knowing everything, that I need to pray about it a lot, and follow my heart.

Good Lord that is getting to be a repetitive answer. Everyone's telling me the same thing, though... Even +Kyle did at one point. Make yourself happy. Follow your heart.

Everyone except the people I'm afraid of. My parents. The church. Etc...

I know what it is I want to do. I want to stay here. I want to be alone...no relationships...no pressure... Just to get on with life as I see fit. I have a potential plan all worked out, and it's good.

It would explain why my dreams of future events never involve +Kyle.

He will not grant me a separation. If we split up, it will be for keeps. He wants a clean break from Oklahoma...he will want the same with me. I sense that he will not want even friendship after such a departure, but I will offer it freely.
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I went downstairs and dug out my sketchpad to work on The Pearl Hotel series of dream sketches.

Nancy and her mother came downstairs presently, went outside for a few minutes, and came back in, inviting me up to chat with them if I wanted. I followed shortly thereafter, but brought the pad, as I was still inspired.

They were making preparations for breakfast, and starting coffee, things like that. I asked if they'd let me do anything to help out, but they said no. LOL... I felt weird about it, but sat at the island and drew, sipped coffee, and visited.

On the menu: Blueberry pancakes, bacon and eggs. Nancy asked if that sounded good to me, and I was obliged to tell her I eat low-carb, but would definitely have to try the pancakes anyway. ;P She asked how that worked for me, and seemed impressed with the comparison of numbers vs. two years ago.

The kindness of this family strikes me with indescribable awe. Never have I as a total stranger been welcomed into a home as if I were family. These people act with a more Christian love than most who claim to *be* Christian.

After about an hour, I went downstairs to check on the guys. They were still asleep, so I woke them up, and we all went upstairs to visit and place our orders for eggs. +Kyle had them overeasy (yuck!), mine were well-cooked, as runny eggs are nasty, and Scooter didn't have any, opting for limp bacon instead. LOL! Also yuck. I agree with Jim's bacon philosophy - it's not bacon if it's not almost burnt.

Breakfast was really good. Nancy used sour cream in the pancakes, and I have to say they were the best I've ever had (although I'm rather fond of my LC pumpkin recipe). I just had butter on mine - the blueberries in them were quite sweet enough (and sooooo juicy!). Yum. I guess we didn't eat until 10:00 or 10:30, so it was more like a brunch, really.

After edibles, we were also not allowed to clean up, short of taking plates from table to sink, so we went downstairs and played pool for a couple of hours. I think I may have won one game legitimately, but any other 'victories' (if they can be called that) were from my partner making mistakes like scratching on the 8 ball. LOL! Of course, I was more interested in trying new things like banking shots and hitting long shots, now that I've gotten a little more comfortable with the game.

As +Kyle says, it's just a distraction, but it sure is fun.

We sat down to watch 'Near Dark', which was simply awful. Scooter knows way too much about vampire lore, and kept going on about either, "Wow, I'm surprised they went into that" or "That would never happen!". He was really incredulous over the whole changing a child part, and of course the transfusion was just silly. I dozed off for about 20 minutes. It really is a bad movie. LOL! But it was fun MST3King certain parts.

We played a couple more rounds of pool, then +Kyle went back to sleep on the couch for about an hour. Jim dragged Scooter off to help him with laying the sand in the form. +Kyle got up, and we both went out to help, too. It was funny, though, because once we were outside, both +Kyle and Scooter kept trying to take whichever tool I had at the time, saying, "You don't need to be out here working with us." LOL! As if! I don't get to play in the dirt every day - you think I'm going to miss out on a chance to play? (Even if it *is* work!) I just kept going back and getting whichever spare implement was available until they both gave up on me. More than just having fun, though, it felt really good to be able to give *something* back to Jim & Nancy for their hospitality.

Shoveling so much sand (and smoothing it flat for the concrete) is hard work, but it only took about an hour for the five of us to do. (Jason was there, too.) It was actually pretty fun, and we left that sense of accomplishment you only get from doing some kind of physical labor. I got a pretty good blister on my left hand, but it was worth it.

I really like Jim. He's one of the people that, when I was little, I would have disliked because they picked on me. Now I find it rather endearing, depending on the picking. i.e., throwing shovelsful (shovelfuls? Neither one of those looks correct.) of sand on my bare feet, successfully filling the rolled cuffs of my jeans with the damp stuff. We all got a good laugh out of that. (I'd been wearing my domme boots since Saturday night, and they're not particularly

We got cleaned up a bit, and sat outside in the beautiful weather, listening to the water in Nancy's ponds, and talking about...gosh, what did we talk about? Lots of things...mostly the events of the weekend, I think.

Of course Jason, Promise and Twila had been back, and Nancy's parents were there, too, but her sister and (I believe) brother-in-law came as well, and a couple of their neighbors, too. We had definitely not expected to be involved in such a huge family gathering, but were never made to feel uncomfortable...quite the opposite.

A neighbor came by offering a small RV if someone would just take it. We went to look at it, because it seemed like a potential fix to some moving issues. The title was lost, so we'd have to apply for a new one, but more than cost, the time involved would be prohibitive. +Kyle decided against it later, which was fine with me.

Eventually, chicken and corn was brought down, so Scooter grilled that, and we all sat and continued talking. I guess everyone ate around 7:30 or 8:00...the sky was starting to darken.

We didn't stay long after dinner, with school and work coming up fast. But we went up and thanked our most gracious hosts, and were likewise thanked for helping out, although that wasn't anything.

What a marvelous time. It's these times and events that make one realize how important it is to have people in your life - people for whom you care, and who care for you.
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Well!

This weekend turned out quite differently than initially planned, but it was simply marvelous.

Saturday, +Kyle & I got up at 4:30. I went ahead and got dressed for the MedFaire, despite a lack of breakfast because my outfit takes so long to get into. +Kyle opted to wait until we got closer to Norman to get changed. Anyway, we met Scooter at Denny's in Ardmore at 6:00 (He was also already in-costume - a very nice Ranger outfit), had breakfast and chatted nicely for probably an hour and a half before setting forth. Nancy & Jim were meeting Promise and Jason for breakfast, too, so we saw them before we left, as well. ^_^

The drive wasn't too bad; only about an hour, and then +Kyle got dressed at a gas station. Several fairegoers passed in and out while we waited outside for him. We got to the softball field for parking right at 9:00. There were maybe a dozen or twenty other vehicles. We meandered through Reeves Park, which is absolutely huge. This faire is easily three-to-four times larger than the one in Florence...and Scooter said it was two-to-three times larger than it was when they held it at the duck pond. Lori had said it was huge, but I had no frame of reference...wow...

Somehow or another, a running joke for the day was +Kyle being French...all in a derogatory sense, of course, but also in good fun. I think it started with the frog on his sash, included the frog that holds his sword, and things just snowballed from there, especially when he affected a French accent.

Let me tell on myself for a moment: one of the earliest places we stopped in at was an art booth. The vendor said to me, "Those aren't the two you were in here with yesterday." I just stared blankly for a minute and said, "Excuse me?" My mind was running through how he couldn't have possibly seen me here with or without anyone yesterday, as I was at work. Eventually, it registered, and I *facepalmed*, laughing, and walked out of the tent, shaking my head. The guy just goes, "Oh good, she got it!" and we all laughed. Oh, that was bad.

One girl was running around with a basket of eternal roses. These were really gorgeous - even more real-shaped than the one I have. +Kyle asked if I would like another, and while that would have been nice, it wasn't a big deal, so I just said 'maybe' and we went off. If I ever see anymore like these, definitely...but right now just isn't a good time.

Many people of course were in costume, and there were some very impressive ones, including an Ent and Dryad (both with amazing body sculpture), a mime-type fellow called "Toy", who winds himself and moves "mechanically". +Kyle posed with him. ^_^ There were gypsies, belly-dancers, pirate-types, and many obligatory faeries. Some of the more interesting ones we saw were a dark rogue-type fellow on long stilts. Scooter chased after a black fae with dreadlocks and tattered wings...he did get her picture. We all chased another guy who had some incredible angel wings. They looked like they moved (similarly to how I want the batwings to move), and upon stopping him and his lady, found that they were. He gave us a demonstration, and let us look at the mechanism (what we could see of it), and provided his email address so I can contact him about more information. He said he builds them, but I'd just like to ask some questions...rather build them myself. Let's see...there was a beggar who went around dipping his fingers into a stein of some kind of gruel, then eating it messily before belching in a most obnoxious fashion. He'd stand there afterward and say, "Who did that?" or something else similar. Oh! There was a slaver; he'll slap a set of manacles on you and drag you around for a few minutes, heckling your friends to find a replacement before letting you go. Fortune smiled on us, and we escaped capture in the first place. Some of the more disturbing folk we saw were a man in an orange dress, dress shoes and some ring-shaped monk-type hat thing. Having only seen him from a distance, I insisted he must be some kind of monk, but upon closer inspection, we all decided that no...he was probably just a queen. Scooter saw another fellow wearing basically only pink tights. Neither +Kyle nor I ever saw him, but our good friend seems scarred for life by the sight.

There is a neat carousel that these two guys cranked by hand. Eight or ten hammock-type seats hung from overhead. A person could lounge in one, and the cranked device would swing them around in a circle, then the guys would spin the hammocks themselves, causing the children to scream. It was most entertaining.

What would a Medieval Faire be without a live chess game? This one was choreographed very well, and the story was pretty good - King Arthur's Court against another court, of whose name I can't recall. Morgan and her sisters were key players. The game ended in more of an all-out brawl between the two teams, but it was still cool.

There was also a booth with birds: two falcons and an owl. For $5, one could get their picture taken with said bird. We took pictures of just the birds for free. :P

We passed by a strength test booth - you know, ring the bell by hitting the post with a sledge hammer? Well, this was more of an Orcish wooden mallet, really. Anyway, my company challenged each other to see who could actually do it. Neither one did, although Scooter only missed the bell by perhaps two inches on his second try. The fellow running the booth heckled them both madly over it. I got pictures, of course...hope they turn out!

We stopped around 1:00 or so for lunch - turkey legs and McGilly's fine beverages of sarsparilla and cream soda. They've come up with a nifty bag to carry the bottles in. It's a disc of leather, slit in such a way that it unfolds down into a mesh-like pouch.

Lunch was good, if rather messy. That is an awful lot of meat for one sitting, but we all picked the bones clean. I have been deemed both a 'prissy' and 'dainty' elven lass. Prissy, because I really didn't care for turkey juice running down my arm while I tried to eat... Dainty? Not sure where that one came from...but it's cute. ^_^

We walked around for another several hours. Scooter saw three or four people he knew, having lived in Norman throughout high school and for several years after that.

Of course, there were many armourers there, but one tent stood out in particular. The piece that caught my eye was a stunning leather set with enormous batwings coming out from behind it. They didn't move, but the leatherwork was incredible. They're quite like what I'm interested in. I took several pictures of these guys' work. Gamegod will absolutely love this particular one.

We went back to the pavilion area on our second time around, and sat at a concrete picnic table this time. We were all starting to pink up a bit by this time. I could feel the heat coming off my skin by 11:00, so I knew I was in trouble early on, but of course you never see it until hours later. SUNSCREEN! Remember it next time!

We set up the timer on our cameras and got some pictures together later in the afternoon. I'm not sure that the timer on our camera worked, so hopefully Scooter's came out well. It's a nice digi, so I'm sure it will. I really wish I'd taken about a million more pictures at the faire... Maybe we can come back next summer.

It would be really cool to come to that (maybe even hit the gun show first, if +Kyle wanted to), then come down to Madill for maybe a week, visit everyone at work, VJ and Brian, and then go down to Scarborough Faire before heading back...assuming it was within that same time frame, which I think it is. I will guarantee that if I ever even *mention* the possibility of coming to visit, there are at least half a dozen households who'd invite us stay with them rather than get a hotel. Lori, Edith & Dale, VJ & Brian, Jim & Nancy, Mark & Sherry, and probably even Jay & Doris or Marsha & her husband, although we're not as close with them as some of the others.

Around 5:30, we decided it was about time to think about going, and besides, we were quite tired from walking around in thin-soled moccasins all day...we had a movie to catch, and wanted to grab a bite beforehand, and we had to think about changing, since we were planning to go clubbing after the movie let out.

First, Scooter stopped by a liquor store called Hob Nob Rob's to get some hard-to-find stuff for his birthday party Saturday. They were out of honey mead, so he was mildly disappointed.

So we ran to Wal-Mart...+Kyle needed socks anyway...and got changed. I took the longest this time, having to fight with my domme boots for about 10 minutes, trying to get my jeans tucked in AND get the boots to zip up...the bells on these jeans are just a bit bigger than on my Old Navy jeans, so it took some doing. +Kyle went for socks, and Scooter wanted to find a better shirt for clubbing in, but couldn't find anything he liked.

We went to the theatre next and procured tix for the 7:40 showing of Hellboy. Muahaha...

So we went to the mall for awhile and tried to decide what to have for dinner. Joe's Crab Shack was mentioned, but the drive was prohibitive due to time, so we just bummed around part of the mall.

There was a nifty hobby shop, similar to the one at the Target center in Huntsville. They had a fantastic setup in the back, filled with all manner of old aviation gear - flightsuits...the ejector seat from a plane...helmets...the thing that they set the trig for dropping bombs with (can't remember the name of it at the moment)...old patches from flight groups... There were other pieces of miscellany, and I wished I'd brought the camera. Dad would love it.

There was a Hot Topic, so of course we had to go in there. They still didn't have any good club shirts for guys, but I saw about a dozen things I'd probably have gotten. :P I was wearing my "I'd be goth, but I can't afford to shop at Hot Topic" shirt...one of the sales people walked up to me and said, "You know we're having a sale today, right?" LOL! I'm sure he was just doing his job, but it was funny nonetheless.

I think I've realized the tattoo problem. I want one, but don't like the idea of the permanence of it. I've considered the airbrushed type, and could probably learn to do that fairly easily, so I'd like to give that a try before too long. But there's Henna, as well. They're still rather popular, and Hot Topic carries a starter kit for about $20. I'd like to get one fairly soon (sadly not 'til after we move) and see how I like it. *ponders* Birthday, maybe? Hmm... :P

We went to the arcade, too. +Kyle played some flight combat game, I think, but I can't remember what it was called. He also tried out a sword-fighting game where you sand on this platform, and there's a motion-sensitive stick, so you actually have to swing, defend, etc. to play. It was really keen. Kinda cheesy, graphically, but a great concept, and the technology seemed fairly sound. Scooter played some driving sim that had good graphics, but he didn't like the controls. We all played Star Wars pod racing. This unit wasn't as nice as the one in Huntsville - you couldn't sit back as far, for one thing, and the screen was small...but it was still pod racing! +Kyle did the best at it, of course. They also had an original Galaga machine, so the guys both played it once just so we'd use the last two tokens.

On our way out, we watched a guy doing DDR. He was absolutely incredible...moved like lightning. He did a combo of 120, and then another one of 108, I believe, and that was just in the couple of minutes we watched him. We were amused to note that the arcade had placed a bench behind the game unit...to accommodate the line of people always waiting to play. Yes indeed, that will be the next game we get for PS2. I need to start doing aerobics and build up stamina anyway...may as well do it to good music. ^_^

About this time, we decided it would be good to get food and get back to the theatre, so we went to Chik-Fil-A and obtained edibles. We got to the theatre plenty early. There are soooo many good films coming up this year! Van Helsing...Troy...King Arthur...Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban...I, Robot... We only saw a few of those trailers this time, but oh yeah... It's going to be a good year for movies...

Anyway, Hellboy... snipped in case of potential spoilers )

So after the movie, we decided what to do next. My burn was starting to hurt pretty badly during the movie, but I fortunately remembered that there was toothpaste in the car...that helped somewhat, but it was rather conspicuous, and I got it all over my shirt in the process. LOL Ah well... I was still good for clubbing or whatever all night, but Scooter mentioned thinking about going back toward McBride instead of staying overnight in the City. +Kyle had already decided that we weren't going to be staying overnight, either, so we went back to Jim & Nancy's house to watch movies and play pool instead.

But first, the obligatory coffee stop after an evening out. (It must be a law out here.) We went to IHOP and sat just talking for probably two hours or better. We talked about everything from the movie to storm chasing to being overly paranoid to bugging out when everything eventually hits the fan, as +Kyle predicts it will within the next 10 years. It was really a wonderful fellowship. Our waitress, Florence, was super, ultra-friendly, and kept an eye on us all night. She was an absolute doll. +Kyle had three cups of coffee. I had four. Bear in mind that I had been off caffeine totally for a week at this point, so not only was I excited from just being in party mode, I was jittery from being utterly doped up. But, I got really cold when we went outside after, so I put on my velvet shirt to warm up. This was a good idea for the burn, too.

We stopped by our house first to check on Washu and leave our costumery at the house, since the cab was absolutely *packed*. The mutt was fine, but excited to see us, and didn't want to get in her cage when we were ready to leave.

So, on to the house... Jim and Jason were up talking when we got there about 2:30 (actually 3:30 with the time change), and we stood around for awhile, then decided to pop in Sleepy Hollow. Poor +Kyle really was getting tired by this time, and nodded off when Ichabod was attempting to ride a horse, and it wouldn't go where he wanted it to. S seemed rather amused by the movie, but figured most of the ending out fairly early on. Meh! :P

When it was over, neither of us was very tired, so we just sat up chatting about Johnny Depp movies (Pirates!!), which led to Disney World, and then things must have kindof deteriorated, because I don't remember much else. I guess I was more tired than I realized. I went and laid down on some bed around 6:30, but only slept about an hour. Came back into the game room and found the guys asleep on either end of the reclining couch. LOL! It was pretty cute. I should have taken a picture, but it probably would have woken them up.

I heard life upstairs, so I went up to visit with whoever was up. It was Jim. We sat outside on the kitchen balcony and talked about all kinds of things. He's from Colorado, and told me about the Red Mountain Pass (I think is what he called it), that's a 1000 ft. sheer drop, and he's seen it completely full from avalanches and regular snowfall. He told me about one year where a guy cleaning the roads had an avalanche fall on him; it swept him into the ravine, and they had to wait until July or August before all the snow melted and they could retrieve his body.

We laughed about how people in the south freak out over two inches of snow, and suddenly everyone needs snow tires and chains, and bread and milk are the first things to go. He said there's no such thing as snow days where he's from - they have hunting days, but because they take care of their roads, there's no need to close school over inclement weather.

He also talked about building his workshop and laying stone for Nancy's patio soon. I guess we sat for about an hour, then he had to go to Kingston to pick up a trench digger to lay the electrical and plumbing lines for the shop. He's hoping to have it mostly completed by next week.

I went downstairs and dug out my sketchpad to work on The Pearl Hotel series for awhile.

Much more to come...but I have only so much downtime to write...

April 04 10:50 pm
lsdiamond: (Default)
I'm really looking forward to Friday. VJ & I will probably wind up going to dinner, a movie, and then dancing 'til the wee hours at a place she mentioned last time we went out - Ten Buck Two. I've since learned from Scooter that he and a lot of the peeps from MSC go there (and other places), although they usually go out on Thursday nights. Some of them *may* be there Friday though, so maybe we'll all get to party. Even if not, VJ & I always have fun.

I've been talking with Scooter a bit over the past few days. He's fun; we mostly just goof off and talk about music & anime, although he's expressed interest in learning Japanese. I'm putting together a crash course, just in case. :P He speaks a little German, too, which is fun. I kinda miss Doitsugo, but I need to concentrate on actually finishing this little language project. I'd like to learn SOMETHING completely, at least once. LOL

I'm surprised and relieved to find that I'm not feeling anything dangerous. (I daresay the unknown was far more dangerous than the known.) I'd feared that this new attention might draw me away from +Kyle, but in fact we've been doing really well since getting over Tuesday night. This is of course no reason not to be vigilant, but it's good to know. I usually have a pretty good feel for these things. Scooter has expressed nothing but friendly concern toward me, so I'm not worried about him - but we all know how easily I get attached to people who give me positive reinforcement. So yeah. If I feel like things start going in the wrong direction, it'll have to be 'sayonara'. I don't like that, but +Kyle and I have come too far over the past few months to let even a friendship interfere.

Thankfully, at this point, I don't forsee a problem.

January 2012

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