lsdiamond: (Default)
DDRed for the first time in forever tonight. I've been so sore from work that I haven't felt like playing. Bleh. My muscles are getting used to being used all night, though, so tonight I was up to the challenge.



Yeah, I'm still on light mode. I need to finish the rest of the yellow songs with at least an A before I move on... My stamina is way up, though. I remember having a hard time getting up a single flight of stairs. It's been a long time since I noticed it, but the last time we were at the mall, the escalator was broken, and running up didn't wind me at all. I still can't run the .75 mile around our block, but it'll come.

The definition in my forearms is getting really noticeable, and my shoulders are starting to get some as well. My legs have looked great for awhile now, what with biking to work every day in Madill. I'm gonna have to do something with my abs and back to get that complete balance back, though. Pilates, maybe.

I need a punching bag or a sparring partner or something. I really enjoy punching my brothers in the upper arm when we're play-fighting, but they all whine now because I hit a lot harder than I used to. Wussies! Can't even take a girl hitting them in the arm. LOL!

What else to do tonight? It's almost 2:00, and +Kyle is going to be going to bed soon. I'm probably going to play some DII unless anyone is around and wants to chat. ^_^

Other perhaps largely more important progress was made today, but also a major step backward. )

+Kyle and I talked about my job today. He's ashamed of it, and by extension, perhaps, me. He absolutely hates the fact that I work at "fucking Wal-Mart". He hates the fact that it's manual labour. His reasoning is that I'm better than that...more intelligent, more talented, and more skilled. I could be doing something "more worthwhile", and making more money doing it. He hates the shift hours, although he said he'd rather me work any other job with the same hours. He hates the company itself. He would shop at other stores if we were better off financially.

I explained, or tried to, exactly what it is that I am enjoying so much about this job. It's so easy. Physically, sure, it's hard work, but it's mindless. I don't have to think.

Anyone with a fourth grade reading level could do this job. Heck, anyone who can match labels can do this job. You don't have to be particularly skilled to work at The Dreaded Mart of Wal, although I don't think you could pass the CBLs if you can't read.

But back to the point... I like not having to think about work. I like not having to consider things like elements of design, or which font to use, or having to draw and re-draw something to get it just right, or editing graphics, or working photos for a bloody paycheck. My creative batteries have been spent for far too long, and they need a recharge. I've had moments of inspiration, and neither the time nor the energy nor even the will to do anything with my ideas. This has gone on for years. My list of creative projects is too long, and now I have a chance to pare it down and actually DO some of it.

First on the list is to complete this costume before Halloween. All that entails is building and covering the wing frame, and getting some fangs and coloured contacts. I think it'd be great fun to dress up and go out again this year...dunno what'll be playing, but I bet some of the clubs in town will have costume parties. It's not exactly a medieval theme, but I'd love to wear it to the RenFaire this October. There are plenty of fantasy-themed costume-wearers there. Not only that, but there are conventions coming up, and with any luck we'll be able to go to some of them. There's always a costume contest.

So's not much to complete for one project, but I haven't had the inspiration to finish it until now. Now all I need is the resources. Guess what you need to have for those kinds of resources? A JOB!

Yeah, there are no doubt better places to work. There's always something better out there, somewhere, no matter the subject. But the pay is decent, the benefits are great starting out, and only get better as you go, and the company is founded on solid (Christian!) principles. No, Sam Walton didn't beat his employees over the head with a 10 lb. King James, but the basic principle of the company is to respect others, and lead by being a servant. It's no wonder the chain has been so very don't get much more Christlike than by having that kind of attitude. Yeah, they've run a lot of small businesses out of town. They've bought a lot more businesses out. Sure, there's a lot of inter-company propoganda, look how great a company we are, and aren't you glad you work for us, but the proof is in the pudding, as they say.

For now, I'm not only grateful to have a job at all...I'm incredibly thankful for everything about it. I love the work. I love the hours. I love the people with whom I work. I explained all of this to +Kyle, and I think he got what I was saying, for the most part, but he doesn't really care. It's one more thing that's not good enough for him.

But for now, I'm going to play a little more DII and get to bed around 8:00. We're supposed to go over to mom and dad's this afternoon to play Mechwarrior clix with the boys, have dinner and go to church...dunno in what order, though.
lsdiamond: (Default)
Bench Press - 3 x 10 @ 40
Rows - 3 x 10 @ 40
Situps (Yeah, baby, the real ones.) - 3 x 10
Tricep Curls - 3 x 10 @ 30
French Press - 3 x 10 @ 30
Leg Curls (Thighs) - 3 x 10 @ 80
Leg Curls (Calves) - 3 x 10 @ 80

Should have done some squats, too, but it was getting late, and I still needed a bath. :P

Now if I'm a good girl and do my stretches tomorrow, I should be in good shape to train again on Monday (maybe - I bumped up my reps tonight, so I might be seriously hurting tomorrow and have to wait 'til Tuesday), but if I get lazy, then you have permission to beat me.

nemui desu.....*snore*


Mar. 17th, 2004 09:41 pm
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Finally dragged my lazy self into the bedroom and worked out again tonight. Introduced a couple of different routines to mix things up a bit, and did a bit more stretching than usual. Oy. I have now used muscles that I'd forgotten even existed. >_< Gonna be sorrrrre tomorrow.

But, it's all good. I gotta get back into the swing of things if I'm going to be showing any skin at all this summer. (Not that that's such a good idea, as pale as I am...people go blind!) Then there's Halloween to contend with. PVC is not very forgiving.
lsdiamond: (Default)

I thought had hit a plateau, but rather than just "try to get through it", I pushed the weight up and bumped my reps down to 8 again. They're tough, but doable. I feel sooooo good now.

Triceps - 25 each
Biceps - 40 each
Back - 80
Bench - 80
Leg Curls - 90
Squat - 110

Nice. I gonna hurt tomorrow. LOL


Feb. 12th, 2004 11:01 pm
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Finally got off my butt and did some training tonight. Just upper body and abs, but ohhhh, I feel so much better. :) My muscles were tired from not being used enough. Will do lower body tomorrow night.

Yesterday evening was nice. I was really weak and tired after work, so +Kyle made me lie down instead of doing dishes and starting dinner, etc. I slept 'til about 6:30, and awoke to chili being ready. Yummm... ^_^ Thank you, hon!

Sherry had lent me a film, "Raising Arizona", so we watched that while we ate. That was quite a funny movie. I've never seen Nicholas Cage in a role like that, but he was perfect. His hair was great! +Kyle had already seen it, but enjoyed it again.

Today was okay. Nothing much happened, but +Kyle's lab time was cut short because whoever's in charge decided they didn't feel like being there all evening. Bah. He really needed the extra hours.

Have been reading Ian's Sci-Fi Serial again. It's quite good; you should check it out if you enjoy science fiction. My brother has some fascinating ideas.
lsdiamond: (Default)
Been down for awhile. My system kept running really slowly for no apparant reason. After three reinstalls, things seem to be going fine again. *knocks on wood*

Yesterday was *busy*. I got up and ran a couple of errands, and worked out when +Kyle got up. I pulled something at work last week, and wasn't able to work out for a couple of days, but made up for it yesterday, no doubt. I am *so* sore. My abs are getting stronger. Lying flat, with +Kyle holding my feet down, I can pull myself up surprisingly far off the ground after 2-3 weeks of working on an incline. I remember being able to completely sit up from a *reverse* incline, so I'm looking forward to being able to do that again. At this rate, I could do it by summer. I'm benching over half my bodyweight now, squatting 100 lbs, and doing leg curls at 80 lbs. That number seems really pathetic to me, but I always have to be careful of my right knee, and my left ankle is still giving me trouble. It's getting better all the time (*sings*), but I don't want to push it and injure either one further. Also, I can do push-ups again! I can't imagine these guys who just up-down-up-down like it's as easy as walking, though. It's really hard, but feels great. Jack Palance is the man!

Needless to say, I am *really* sore today, but it's a good hurt. I wonder if I'll be in good enough condition to train again tomorrow, but if not, I'll do more stretches. I miss doing Pilates and Tae Bo, but since our VCR died, that's not an option, right now. :P

I'm so wanting DDR! Everyone back home is getting their skillz on with it, so I'm a wee mite jealous. But, I really want to have that costume made before we leave Oklahoma. Both require funds I don't really have, but I'm doing what I can.

My getting *either* one of these hinges on our being able to save enough to actually *move*. +Kyle should be getting his last disbursement around the 14th, so I am hoping there is plenty left over (after tuition and any other tools he needs) that we can set aside specifically for moving costs. We have enough for a U-Haul now, but we need monies for deposits, gasoline, a hotel, etc. I admit to being a little worried about the situation, but the funds were provided for us to *get* out here...I know we'll be granted the funds to get back.

But I still want the fun stuff, too. :PPP Mostly the costume. I can get DDR anywhere.

Speaking of spending money we shouldn't be spending on fun stuff, we went out for dinner last night before grocery shopping. It was really nice to just sit down at a table and have dinner together, talking about nothing in particular. We need a table. Usually, we just sit at our desks and watch TV or mess around online during meals, but that's not really conducive to conversation.

Talked with +Kyle today about the junk that's been floating around in my head. It seems he only meant to encourage me in my endeavours. I'm so used to his cynicism and negativity that I read it to mean "Well, you're looking great, but can't you do more?" Sigh. At least this thing is sorted out, but we're both sort of in this "I can't do anything to make you happy" funk now. He feels like he's giving me all the attention he possibly can, but it's still not enough to me. I feel like, no matter how hard I try, it's (you name it) not ever really good enough to make him happy.

He wants to know why he has to be the one to change. First, I said, because I started making the changes I made because he didn't care. Now all of a sudden, he does care. Second, I asked, what is it you want me to to change?

He wants me to be happy like I was when we got married. But I don't know how to get there. Where do we go from here? Obviously talking is a good way to start, but more importantly we have to start doing. I can't "just be happy".

He went on about his past failures. Screwing up good work situations, etc., and how he doesn't do anything around the house. Something I've thought about now and again, but never really dwelt on is that I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him when something needs doing. It's obvious when dishes need washing, or the floor needs vacuuming, etc. He shouldn't have to ask, "can I help you", and I shouldn't have to ask "Hey, would you do this?" So I told him. I've never really held onto that thought for very long at a time, when it does come up in my mind...I've always talked it down by reasoning that, "He's always at work, so he doesn't have to do __________" or "He's at school, and he'll be tired when he gets home after 12 hours of classes..." I've always sortof let him get away with it, which wasn't good for him, because it just fed a tendency to be lazy (his word, but I won't argue). It wasn't good for me, either, because it just bred resentment at "always being the one to (name thankless chore)".

Anyway, I don't know what to do to change to be happy like I used to be, but if we just keep plugging away, finding the things that have changed between us, and repairing damages done, maybe we will find that path together.

To rebuilding bridges.
lsdiamond: (Default)

Why didn't I try these sooner? I guess after the jicama fiasco, I was afraid to try anything else as a substitute for potatoes. -_- But yes, I have found something wonderful! Even +Kyle was surprised, although he says it's very bland. Sure, without anything in it, but then, so are potatoes. :P

It's a little sweeter tasting than potatoes, at least from what I remember - haven't had potatoes in probably 6 months or more. I do remember them being very sweet to the taste, not being used to the starch anymore. Rutabagas have about 1/3 the carbs per serving as potatoes do, though.

Still, I can go lower. When I was at the store, I thought rutabagas were lower in carbs than turnips, but I had them mixed up. I'll get a turnip next time and try it instead. It has about a tenth the (net) carbs of a potato, and for twice the serving size. :PPP

Last time I had a potato, I felt hungry for*ever* afterward. Those empty carbs did me in big time, even with the butter and cheese. This doesn't seem to have the same effect, but I'm still not eating a *lot* of the stuff. I'm glad to see that they have potassium. Since I don't have bananas anymore, that's a good thing to be getting.

Yummmmmm...Steak and Mashed Wannabepotatoes... Heaven...I'm in heaven... *sings with a mouthful*

Oops, I need to train tonight, catch up with the dinner dishes, and put away the laundry before bed. Maybe we can catch an ep or two of Berzerk or Kare Kano, too.
lsdiamond: (Gir)
Why would I be upset with you for not writing? It's not like I've been the pinnacle of friendly emails, either, lately. LOL! It's all good, sister. I love you! Write and tell me what all has been going on lately. Boy have we had a doozy of a summer...


First off, did you get my email? I really didn't know what to say. How are you doing? *big hug*

As for your reply, I think there's something to what you're saying, big bro... Well, I know it. The smallest negative statement or action affects me with sometimes devastating results. Some would say I just overreact way too much to criticism. Truth be told, I probably do, but that doesn't change the fact my reaction stems from a true feeling of worthlessness when faced with such a statement or action.

I've been going pretty slowly through "Self Matters", trying to absorb as much as possible. Right now I'm still working on the 10 memories/events list, and have already noticed a disturbing pattern, starting from some of my earliest memories. At least I am beginning to understand the why behind my reactions in these situations of 'rejection'.

I hate victimization; the whole "I'm a victim, I deserve _____." mindset just makes me ill. So, I'm glad to have this new knowledge and potential self-empowerment. Thank you for sharing it with me! I just wish there was a fast and easy way to do it. :PP It's not so much unwillingness to work through it - it's knowing that however long it takes me to get to that point is that much longer I'm going to be this shell of my 'authentic self'. I have been this way for years, and I don't want to waste any more time.


In other general news, the working out thing is going well. I'm already up to benching over half my body weight...still nowhere near where I was 6 years ago, but my muscles are remembering a lot more quickly than I thought they would. They say for every year you have stopped working out, it'll take you one month to get back to where you were when you quit. That's probably about the rate I'm going, but it seems unusually quick. :) It doesn't hurt that I have been consistently going three days a week instead of only two. I can already see some definition forming.


May. 11th, 2002 03:57 pm
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Well, this week just sucked muffins. I either lost a lb. or gained a lb. I got a cheap scale, so it's hard to tell. Ah well, it's my own fault for not keeping up with things every day, when I KNEW I should. I should be happy I didn't gain the 5 I lost last time.

I'm trying ever so hard to be good today, but I sure don't feel like it.

Oh wait! We went out and rode bikes today! (Up hills and did some hiking and played in the creek some.) I wonder how many activity points I would get for that. When we move, and I'm gainfully employed again, I'd really like to join WW for real, even if it's just online.

Earlier this morning, we went out to dad's shop again and got all our yard sale stuff together. Made $10 more, but we packed it in after several hours, and took it to Goodwill before coming out again and biking. It was great to get rid of so much stuff - someone will get good use out of it - but it's been at the shop, and not here, so our house is STILL full of boxes. x_X There's got to be more we can get rid of before we move. There's just got to be! Anyone want a 10 gallon aquarium? (Maybe 20, I'm really not sure.)

After Goodwill, +Kyle wanted to go to Dub's Burgers - it's a mom & pop type place, and those're usually REALLY good to eat at. My dad and +Kyle have both sworn by them for years, and I've dutifully sworn off them for years - it's just been a running gag kindof thing forever. But, I figured "We're probably not ever going to eat here again, since we'll be visiting only on holidays and that sort of thing, so what the hey? I may as well try it once." I'm telling you, I should've stuck to my guns. My stomach is bothering me, the thing was so much greasier than the way we fix hamburger meat. (Grill on the Foreman, or fry in a pan, and drain every ounce of fat possible, squeezing it all out and whatnot.) Yuck. They have good tea, though, and good ice. LOL

Ah well...I need to find something to nosh. We'll have sandwiches later. I'll be good.


Mar. 15th, 1999 04:42 pm
lsdiamond: (Default)
I got a lot done in the house yesterday afternoon!!! The kitchen looks pretty good. Well, the cabinets and the fridge do, anyway. The counters, table, stove & sink are piled high with dishes, clothes, and various papers. I *did* do a lot of dishes, but most are just pots & pans, and the plates I washed ended up getting used at dinner. That’s the problem with eating at home. :) The Living room looks all right, I suppose. I cleaned out the mousie cage last night, and Ryan accidentally let the mama mouse go. Oops!!! I prayed she would do something stupid and we would be able to find her that night--since her babies would starve if she left forever! And after tearing up the Living room, and basically deciding we should just set all the glue traps and catch her as soon as we could, Ryan happened to look between the mattresses standing up behind the door. He yells A-Ha!!! and clapped his hand down over her much faster than I have EVER seen him move!! IT was a miracle that she was captured again in such a relatively short amount of time!! So, I finished cleaning up the LR (for the most part) and Ryan made supper. Oh, it was so good! Just beef bits, onions, and green peppers, but it tasted marvelous. All I missed was the mashed potatoes. :) The study is a bit better ,too. Ryan worked on that, but then mostly got caught up in his game, Daedalous Encounter. I have to admit it looks like a cool game, but I wish he would stick to a job when he starts it like cleaning up the study. Ah well, he needs downtime, too!! :)

Tomorrow, of course, I am going to do my Day 1 workout. I skipped out on it, and Day 2 this weekend. *Sigh* I HAVE To stick to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention my Devos!!!!! I feel a lot better when I work out.

But sadly, it is 4:42 PM and Ryan will be coming SOON. Talk to you later.
lsdiamond: (Default)
3:30pm Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m sitting at the Huntsville Public Library right now, listening to a tape of a band called “Rodan”. They’re just screaming & playing the drums really loudly. The first song on this tape was a quiet instrumental--if there are any more, I will keep the tape. If not, ah well--another one to tape onto! :)

Tomorrow I will be officially starting my new workout schedule. I have done each different program on & off for 2 weeks, to test them out & see what I need to start out with. I think the lighter Day 1&2 Program will work out better. The CHISEL program is so intense--I was sore for 2 days!! And I have not tried the AbSolution program yet. It looks simple enough, but I may be surprised!!!

I am really looking forward to getting back into training. I have missed the feeling of accomplishment, and the way my body looked when I was doing it back in ‘95-96. I started mid-summer ‘95, and by Halloween of that year, I already looked better than I have since I was a skinny 3 year old!!! I hope to be able to do that again, and even surpass what I started 3 years ago. Scratch that. I PLAN to be able to surpass what I started 3 years ago. I realise that it may take longer, since I do not have time or ready access to heavy weight equipment. But, mom & dad are cleaning their garage, and moving the screenprinting stuff into another building--so perhaps I can do a little heavier workout on Sundays, once I get used to a lighter regimen. I am not telling Ryan that I’m starting a workout program again. I have hinted at it a couple times--my shin muscles, for example, bulge a bit more than I remembered them doing. My shoulders and forearm muscles have already reacted positively to the little training I have done for 2 weeks. My right arm is still very weak. When I make a muscle, it is not very hard, and it is very small. It is harder to lift with my right arm. I think it will always be kindof weak, but it will get stronger as time goes on.

My regimen will go on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and 2 of the 3 days of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, depending on the schedule. Likely it will be Fri. & Sat, but if I get to use mom’s equipment, it will be Fri. or Sat & Sun. I will write about the workout itself, my feelings of the day, and my temptations, goals, and accomplishments as they happen. I may not write every day, but I am going to try.

I will also write about Spiritual things, as I study my Bible and learn more. Today ,for instance, I found the tape of Ryan’s father’s funeral. I cried as I listened to it, today, and I though about death and what was in store. I read some in the Bible about what comes after we die, and was somewhat comforted. I still try not to think about losing my parents, or Ryan, or friends, but I know it will happen someday. I pray it is not for many many years though. I can’t bear the thought of having to go on without my dear husband, or my daddy, or even mom. I still don’t always get along with mom. I think she is doing better ,but she still says things that I don’t like, and I tend to resent her for them. She wants me to go to church more, I know--on the one hand, I don’t see the big problem with only going on Sunday morning--or only on Sundays at all! After all, we are in school, and can’t make it for most Wednesdays out of the year. She wonders, though, when we don’t make it the Wednesdays that we are out of school for Spring Break. Part of it is the drive. Part of it is the fact that neither of us gets much out of church. I used to like singing, and I like listening to Kasey preach, but crying babies annoy me, and the fact that I probably don’t know half of the people who are attending Sandlin Road right now bothers me, and I have just about always found church to be BORING..... I think God intended us to enjoy worshipping Him--not to find it a chore.

I talk with God a lot. I don’t always sing songs about God, or read books about God, or play games about God, or think about God 24/7, but I think I am doing better, now that I make some effort to study His word. (I still don’t study every day, like I know I should, but I *am* doing better. I want to do something to bring people to Him. Sometimes, I don’t feel saved. Sometimes, I worry that I will go to hell even though I am a Christian. I don’t always live like one, and that worries me. I’m not perfect! I still sin! I try and be a good influence everywhere I am, and I try to “be good”, but I know that isn’t enough. I would like to put a Bible study on-line, or get in an email/chat session with people like Ryan does. But I don’t have time. I am just too busy! What a poor excuse that is, I know. I should make time. But what time do I have to make? I work 6-4 Tu., Th. & Fri. I come here, then go to school Mon. & Wed, and Sat is really Ryan’s & my only day to be together. Usually it is spent catching up on missed sleep, and making love enough to more than make up for the weekdays we missed. Sometimes we go to a movie, or the mall, or do our shopping, or just clean house all afternoon, but we do it all TOGETHER. Should I give up my husband and my only “free” day to work? I know Sunday is our day of rest, but frankly, going to church, spending the afternoon with my parents, and putting up with the boys is enough to make us just wanna veg for the evening!!! Then it’s a reasonable bedtime to prepare for the upcoming week. tough stuff! So here I am... lost in thoughts and wondering what to do with my life, and my time. The house is a wreck. There are many projects I WANT to do. I have school to think about. I have started this new workout--obviously that is important enough to me to make time for. How does that make God feel? Sad I’m sure.

Therefore, I make a new plan. Before I do my workout, I will do my devo. I will pray that God will allow my body to become shaped by the workout I am about to perform. I will pray that God will allow my mind and heart to become shaped by His words, and I will become a more beautiful Christian, as well as a more beautiful body. I will pray that one day Ryan will notice my body changing, and be pleased. I will pray for stronger muscles and stronger willpower against the wiles of Satan, and the temptations of the world. I am confident that within 1 month, I will notice changes in my physique, and in my spirituality. I pray they will be changes that others notice, as well. 4:09pm

January 2012

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