The first dream, I don't remember too much of. I lived in a large hotel or apartment complex. For part of it, I was on an elevator filled with convention kids in full costume. The whole place was very brightly lit.
Second was the same way. Ann or another similar entity was with us at my parents' house. The skies were dim, and winter was at its peak. The weather was uncharacteristic, with lighting, thunderstorms, and even tornadoes in addition to driving snow.
Everyone in the house was gone after awhile.
The mail ran, and I got a letter. Although I didn't read it (this is odd for me to not be able to read in dreams), I simply knew that it was going to be my time to go. The appointment was for 8 the following day, and I would have opportunity to contact the most important people in my life.
I went driving with Ian and told him all about the letter. Even though it hadn't said so, I knew I'd be "going up" as it were. So I was excited, and he was apprehensive.
Later, I was with mom in a rickety wooden attic. She was exceptionally shaken by the news, the last thing I'd expect from my saint of a mother. She got really upset over the fact that I was going for good. She is not a naturally emotional woman, so this was alarming in the dream.
Twelve hours later, it was nearly 8:00 am. Dorian was sleeping on a bed. I hoped very much that he would not wake up for the end. I talked to him for as long as I could. Told him I had to leave for now, but would watch as often as I'd be allowed to. I don't know that this is possible from the realms beyond, but I believe it must be to some extent. I told him to be good. All of my excitement of leaving was instantly shattered as I'd be separated from my Beepadoo and wouldn't have a way to ensure he'd come with me.
I started crying in the dream so violently that it woke me up, still bawling.
Boy woke up crying later in the morning, and said he was crying for me.
Here are some funnies from our (probably last ever) D&D session of the 12th:
+Kyle: "You've got roadies!"
Scooter: "Is your name Meatloaf?"
+Kyle (in-character - a rowdy Dwarven Rogue): "We'll see what happens after the demi-lich gets finished with you!"
On who is better between Kirk and Picard:
Corey, wiggling fingers a la Homer Simpson: "Woooooo! I obey the Prime Directive!
Niki once again reaches my prized (Hah!) Quote of the Day status...
On the high carb content of fast food:
Niki: *holds out a breaded stick of something* "They're pizza sticks...want one?"
Me: "No, but thank you for offering."
Niki: Oh, that's right, I forgot...They're carbonated...
*shakes head and giggles* I am so going to miss you, Niki. Can I kidnap you and take you with me?
Edith came in wearing a long bright pink wig and cowboy hat this morning. That was an absolute riot, and I wish I'd had my camera today...too too fun. See, last week she came in with this adorable pixie cut, dyed beyond red. (Red #36, I think she called it. :P) Marsha and Clara liked it, but gave her all kinds of heck about it anyway, so it was funny. Edith decided to 'show them' this week, and we all had a giggle over it.
I'm going to miss that woman and her antics. I hope she writes down all her stories someday...they're too wonderful to lose forever. Jay, too, for that matter. They've both been through so much.
Well...after dreamjournaling and blogging here, my lunch hour is gone, so...back to the grindstone.
Had interesting dreams two nights ago, but I removed my pencil from the bedside table drawer for some reason, and didn't have anything to write keywords down with. One of them was animated, and the girl I was with looked a bit like Kim Possible (which is funny, since I've only ever seen the toys at The Dreaded Mart of Wal). We were in an underground facility of some sort, but I don't know if we were spies, or if we were out clubbing. She erased the line around one of her eyes and re-drew it at one point, but that seemed perfectly normal at the time...no different than fixing one's makeup.
I remember a large man in the second dream, but nothing else.
I dreamed last night, too, but it faded as soon as I got up, so I didn't have time for keywords. Sigh. Must get back into practice.
My costume is nearly finished. One more fitting, and it's done. I'd like to get my cloak sewn tonight so that if I'm up to it this weekend, and she's available, I can get out of Nancy's hair. Not that she minds at all...she's invited me to come learn how to work a garden over the summer, depending on how long we're here. She can use the help, and we enjoy each other's company. Don't think I've ever mentioned it, but she's left-handed, too.
Beat my DDR combo score last night - 120. I've got As on almost all the songs that are unlocked. When I have at LEAST an A on each song, I'll move up to the next difficulty, but I'd like to try for those AAAs.
Haven't played Vice City much lately. I've been dubbed "sick and twisted" for my in-game serial slayings of hookers:
I ride a motorcycle or moped. I'm very careful to obey traffic laws, which seems to throw off the game's AI somewhat. It's not designed for obedience.
I carry a baseball bat.
Billie Jean plays on the radio.
I seek one out, hide in an alley or around a corner until she passes, then saunter up behind her.
I bludgeon her to death...then beat her some more...then get pissed if she doesn't have any cash, but that isn't the point of the killing, so it doesn't matter too much. Then I hit her again, and leave.
So far, I've been spotted by a rent-a-cop twice, but I always outrun them until my wanted level goes away.
Lots to write about. Large decisions. For now, my brain is too full and I'm getting over a nasty spring cold, so I'm tired to boot. Maybe this weekend.
There must be a lot of interesting stuff rolling around up there lately. I hope I can tap back into things soon and start to remember again.
There are so many more inside just waiting to get out, but alas, I cannot draw anything inside this house. It's a block, and I blame Washu. So my muse must patiently wait for me to be out in the car, at the laundromat, or some other place where my mind is more at ease. Methinks I'll spend some quality time at it while +Kyle is out of town this weekend...if I have time.
We got home just before 6:00. I took almost 2 hours at the laundromat, because their dryers are worthless. I did get in some quality drawing time, though. I've been having rather vivid dreams lately, and had some interesting imagery I wanted to keep in memory, so I had the chance to do some *very* sketchy pictures. One of these days, they will invent a machine that will project the images in your head onto a screen, or better yet, a computer, and I can truly recreate the scenes in my mind. But until then, I have to be satisfied with my limited capabilities, and also live with the fact that I'm lazy enough that I probably won't go back over these and detail them to any satisfactory degree. It's really okay, though...I have always preferred my sketchy style over my clean line style...it's just *too* clean. Things are so muddled up here that it feels wrong to ink my art most of the time.
I really need to start scanning these and posting them with the dreams...
About 3:00, I went back to Jeff's to see if they were wrapping up. Not. Even. Close. So I hung around a few minutes, since it was of mild interest, but Mike got tacky, and +Kyle suggested I leave, which was sounding pretty good to me, anyway. Not much to do in Tish, but what the hey?
I stopped by VJ's house to see if she was at home. Brian was there, and said she was in Madill at the shop with her mom. I can never catch her! I did mention that Wednesdays were good for us as well as Fridays and weekends, so they will get back with us on when a good time for bowling is. Yay!
But still, I had nothing to do, so I went down to the MSC campus and chilled in the common room at the dorm for about an hour. Brought my sketchpad and CD player and drew from dreams some more. I need pictures of Nabiki to work from for one in particular. Girl, Interrupted was playing on TBS, so I saw bits of that, but I was listening to Ozzy on the CD. I think I'd like to have that movie, but it brings back a lot of dark memories.
So...at least I got laundry done, and it's early enough that I can work out and clean the kitchen...I just don't want to do any of that now. :P
We *have* to get the living room clean this week. No choice in the matter.
Their setup is much more conducive to my dream journalling needs.
Also, I'm removing all quizzes from LJ...right now it's just not the time nor place for them.
Gonna take awhile, though...I have over a year's worth of posts to go through here. :P
That is, nothing memorable. I could sense needing to do something, but I think I was too awake to actually make it work. I would kindof wake up and think, "okay, don't forget to look at your hands, or look at yourself." Couldn't do it....yet. It must happen eventually. I can do this naturally; I can learn to do it when I want it.
*does reality checks* Yep, I'm awake.
* to look at my hands
This seems to be one that works for many people.
Tomorrow, I must begin reality checks:
Looking at my hands
Check solidity of objects (not foolproof)
Closing one's eyes
Reading, then looking away, then reading the same object. Does the text change?
Try to be constantly aware of myself and my surroundings.
Light Switch Check
Look in a mirror
Just look at my body - do I own the clothes I'm wearing?
Some things to notice to help trigger lucidity:
1. New faces & new places.
2. Conflict and frustration.
3. Things which are different, unusual, unexpected, inconsistent, or just strange.
Specific Dream Signs:
1. Living in a new home or not living alone.
2. Different job or changes at work.
3. Being in school again.
4. People from the past or from out of town.
5. Spiritual/paranormal activity or encounters.
6. Privacy issues (being naked or going to the bathroom).
7. Threatening situations: Danger, Escape, Fighting (D-E-F).
8. Travel concerns (being lost or vehicle problems).
9. Change of personal appearance or body control.
10. Being a celebrity or seeing one in person.
11. Getting intimate or seeing sexual activity.
Get up in time to record any dreams. Keep eyes closed, and go through the dream before getting out of bed to ensure a good recall.
Keep a dream journal. Duh. Utilize DreamJournal.com - it keeps a list of dreamsigns for you. Pay attention to my dreamsigns. Perform reality checks when I witness a dreamsign.
*checks hands before bed*
For instance...when placed in the dream world, how do you react to your surroundings and the situations you face? Do you behave with the same ethics you would in the wakened state? Do you stop and realize that 'this is a dream' and behave however you please because there are no (perceived) consequences to your actions?
I feel a bit off today.
1) I'm flirty by nature. I enjoy having meaningless fun with people, especially the opposite sex. It feels great being given attention by a guy.
2) I develop crushes in no time at all. It's so easy to fall for someone who's just gorgeous, or fun to be around, or who seems to connect with me on some level...especially if that level isn't met by +Kyle. (Usually some little piddly useless thing like a more similar taste in music - something we can talk about.)
3) I've been having more and more dreams about 'other men'. I want them to be an extension of my relationship with +Kyle, as is suggested by most dream dictionaries, but they feel like a wish of replacement. We're moderately affectionate with each other, but in dreams it's different - it feels more pleasant and desireable. They give me a false sense of the grass being greener.
4) Since losing half a person in size, I receive MUCH more attention from guys. They notice me; they smile at me; they are friendlier toward me; they wave. I know they don't know me, don't care about me, don't love me, and only pay attention because I'm cuter than I used to be. But the pleasure of knowing that someone finds you physically attractive is a powerful and deceptive spell. I love the feeling I get from a cute guy flashing a smile at me, even though I will probably never see him again or even know his name.
Some of these things are irrational... For one thing, +Kyle has always found me attractive, even when I was so heavy. I always had a hard time believing that - not that I didn't believe him...I just didn't believe it myself. I was ugly to myself...hideous, really, and ashamed of it. I couldn't believe that *anyone* could find the thing in the mirror beautiful. But we go back to that "inner beauty" crap that has always annoyed me so.
There were times when I told myself that he only thought I was a beautiful person inside, that no one could ever find me physically attractive. I found that easier to believe, but it undermined him, and certainly didn't help my self-esteem any.
Now that I'm much thinner, I feel better about myself, overall. Once we had a short conversation about the matter:
Are you okay with all this? I mean, do you like me better this way, or did you like me better before?
Well, are you happier this way?
Yeah, I really am.
Then I like you better this way.
So he's obviously concerned with my happiness. Love is definitely more important than that flash of electricity you get when you make eye contact with someone you like...but we used to get that electricity, and we don't anymore.
Still, there are the criticisms. He thinks I'm childish (and sure, in some ways, I am), he doesn't like it when I get cutied up or wear foofy pink things. It's the sort of thing that makes me want to do those things to embarass him rather than just because I like to.
Then there's me taking things too far...if I miss something on a dish, I can never do the dishes well enough to suit him, for instance. That's all me, but I don't know how to get out of that mindset....I'm just not good enough, no matter how hard I try.
I want to talk about it, but am not sure how to bring it up...just do it, I guess...but I'm afraid...
Dunno about anyone else, but sometimes my dreams have soundtracks. I woke up two days ago with one such song stuck in my head. Lyrics, backing vocals, instrumentation...everything.
The problem is, this song apparantly doesn't exist. It's a bunch of guys singing, kinda has a "Sundown" feel to it, and the main chorus line is "the sun goes down in a clear blue sky". (No trace of that in any lyrics search engine I can find) Yeah, it's a little cheesy lyrically, but it's such a catchy tune! Too bad I can't remember anymore than that.
So anyway, if anyone has actually heard a song fitting this description, I'd LOVE to hear about it...then I might feel a little saner.